


The Things We Bury Inside-An Undertale Story

by xXWeirdPersonXx



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad at tagging, Big Brother Sans, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil W. D. Gaster, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Handplates, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other, Recovery, Sad, Sans Needs A Hug, Undertale Spoilers, Younger Brother Papyrus, a story about recovery, hope you like?, i dunno, i think, it will end good, its my own take on that idea, lol, sorry for slow updates, sorta - Freeform, working on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6541849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXWeirdPersonXx/pseuds/xXWeirdPersonXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sans, are you okay?"</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>"..I'm guessing you're, uh, not really okay."</p>
<p>No one said the road to recovery was an easy one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alternatively: Depressed skele is depressed and needs help but is stubborn</p>
<p>(Changed description)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Knock

Sans sighed deeply, feeling more lonely than ever. Papyrus was spending the night at Undyne's place, so that left him with... no one. Heh. He's used to being the forgotten one though. It seems like no one gives a crap about him sometimes.... that's ok, he guesses. He didn't even feel like chugging his usual bottle of ketchup. It was times like these that he knew he was really depressed. You know what's not a good mix? Being super extremely down and in the dumps, and being alone. Sans doesn't want to think about the last time he was like this and alone.

Where to go? Grillbyz is closed by this time at night, and that was usually his element. Sans wished he had friends. Friends would be nice. Maybe a friend could help him stop these terrible thoughts that were burdened upon him.

Now that he thought about it, he did have a friend. Sort of. She had told him if he ever needed her, day or night, happy or sad reasons, she would be there. Maybe he should go there. Even if she wasn't there, it might be nice to just relax there. Yes. That is what he would do. He would take a nice stroll through Snowdin.

Stepping out onto the front step, he shivered from the cold. The wind went right through him. Heh. Literally. He means, he is made of bones. His warm cozy blue coat couldn't repel all the harsh air.

Maybe she wouldn't be there. Maybe she was lying. "I bet shes not even gonna be there. No one cares about me..." He muttered to himself. The snow was ankle deep now.

It was a long walk to the big wooden locked door, so he decided against the old fashioned way, and closed his eyes. Wish a snap of his fingers, he was at his destination in merely seconds. It was nice to have that power, even if no one but himself knew about it. It helped him get anywhere he would ever need to be, and quick. Good for when he acidentally falls asleep and needs to get somewhere without being late.

Off topic. Well, here he was. In front of the towering door. He sighed a content breath and slumped next to it. His eyes watered slightly, but only from the cold. It really was pretty dang cold out here. He means, colder than usual.

"Lady?" He knocked, but not for a joke. "You there? I kinda need to talk."

The comforting voice of his friend assured him she was there. "Yes, I am here. What do you need? It's quite late. I don't mind, the company is great, but I would think of you to be sleeping."

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted simply. "I have a lot of stuff on my mind."

A sigh sounded from the door, and slight movement as if she was making herself comfortable. "I'm listening," She responded, and he could hear the layer of sympathy coating her voice.

Sans settled into the snow, and took a deep breath. "I'm feeling really depressed. And not today," he looked down. "All the time."

The lady behind the door was silent. Sans heard no sound, no movement. 'Oh god I've messed up...' he thought to himself. 'He was right. Should have killed himself while he was still able t-'

"Friend." Her voice drifted from the wood, gentle and easy. "How long have you been struggling?"

Sans didn't know what to say. He said what first came to mind. "Too long," He whispered, eyes wide. Silence again. Sans didn't know what else to say.

"Friend, please, tell me when this started and why. If you feel comfortable, of course." Lady's voice was charming, and kind as hell. Couldn't decline her.

"Lady, I've been this way for so long, I don't remember when it started." Sans confessed, a few tears beginning to drip down his face. "I wish I knew why. Living through everyday... It kills me. It eats me inside out. I haven't felt truly happy in... heh... years."

Sans could tell the lady was waiting for him to continue, so he did. "Sometimes, I'll break my bones on purpose. Hurts like a livin hell, but I have CONTROL over it. After words, I just heal it up with magic, so no harm done. Except internally." He paused. "One time, a month or so ago, Lady, I took drastic measures. It was a night I felt unwanted, a night i felt numb. No one cares. Thats all that ran though my head. I was so god dang STUPID. I tried to kill myself. Yep. Commit suicide in my very own bedroom. I might have suceeded if my sweet brother had not found me. I won't go into details, but I attempted to hang myself with a belt. Yeah, it was a belt from the dump, but it would do. I remember his frightened scream. I knew I messed up right there and then Lady. He ran over, and my eyes were a blur, so I don't remember the sight of it all too much. He held me in his arms, and I was near unconcious. He called the only person who could help. Alphys. Alphys, the royal scientist, came over. She was horrified by my actions. Undyne came over too. Alphys made me tell her why I did it, but I lied. Said it was a prank, that went too far. What a joke. I know she saw right through me, but she let it be. To this day, That's all little Papyrus thinks it was. A prank. My near suicide is considered a freaking PRANK."  
Sans whispered the last few parts, more stray tears gently dripping down the front of his skull.

"I wish I suceeded. Maybe I'll try again soon. Somewhere far away, where it would take everyone ages to find my dust." Sans fell to the ground farther, and buried his head in his hands.

"Friend," The lady's voice bounced through his head. "Please do not. You do not deserve this, but you are so strong, and so very amazing. I know you do not believe me, but please for me, or even your brother, do not do this." Her voice was strong, and never faultered.

Sans' insides felt like they were crashing and burning. That was all he needed. Someone to let out his pain with. He attempted a small smile, a choked out a few words, barely hearable. "I won't."

He just wished that wasn't a lie.

* * *

_**Months later.....** _

 

"Are you going to come with me to play with the human Sans? They said they would love to have you come along." Papyrus glanced at his brother, who was slouching on the couch, watching tv with ketchup in hand. "I think it would be good for you to get some fresh air. You always are either on the couch, at grillbyz, or hollowed up in your bedroom."

"I would rather not bro. I'm super tired today." Sans yawned for dramatic affect. "Not feeling up to it" That much was true at least. All he wanted to do was flop in the ground and feel like trash. Heh. Maybe he'd join Napstablook.

Papyrus sighed, shooting a worried glance at his older brother. "Sans, You haven't acted like 'yourself' in ages. It makes me wonder... is there something that has been bothering you?" He peered at his lump of a brother. "You can tell me anything. Anything and everything in the world."

This caught Sans off guard. When had his brother began being able to read his mind?! "Oh um..." He began.

"Nah that is silly!" Papyrus was already almost out the door. "You have no reason to be upset! Especially with a great skeleton like ME as your brother!!!"

"Whatever you say bro..." Sans muttered. The door had already slammed close. Sans squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't been feeling real... per say... happy with his life lately. He means, more than usual, ya know.

Sans had hurt himself, a lot, lately. He knows, he should tell his brother, or someone, but he just can't. He has to be strong. He slices his bones, or shatters them. That is what he does when he is locked away in his bedroom. It is nice to get some alone time, away from all the commotion. He loved his brother, but sometimes even he gets on Sans nerves. Not often though, it was more of a once every two weeks or so thing.

Nevertheless, he noticed he had been extremely irritable recently, and he knew he was making other people angry with him every time he a had a lash out, Like when Undyne invited him and papyrus over for dinner and Undyne brought up his "Joke suicide attempt". He means, he ONLY shot a few gasters in her direction, and flipped the table... and that was just before storming out of her fish looking house. He ran to the woods and sobbed for hours on end, think constantly about suicide and-

Wait. Backtrack a moment. That word. That idea. That subject. It sounded.... well.... welcoming. Suicide. He has thought of this before, but this time, it seemed like the perfect timing. Papyrus was off god knows where with Frisk, Alphys would be working on her... well, ahem, thing, and Undyne near to never came looking for Sans, rather more of Papyrus.

It was the chance he has been waiting for. Sans thought about it, a decided. Yes, he would go through with it this time. It seemed like a gift from the echo flowers themselves. The chance to take his own life without any interruption.

He knew exactly how to do it also. Just had to write a note first. Then he would get the belt.

Dear Papyrus,

Heh, you were right. You always were a smart little set of bones. There is something wrong with me. Something has for maybe a year now. Papyrus, I want you to know, I do this only because I am in so much pain. So much hurting inside, beyond my laziness, beyond my jokes, beyond my fake smile, pain. Please, please please please, know this isn't your fault. It never will or would have been. I love you too much. Promise me you won't ever give up, ok? I'm sorry I must do this. Let Asgore know that his judge is no longer able for his duties. Tell Undyne to be kind to you, and if you ever need someone, she is a good friend to you. And tell Alphys I said good luck with her experiments. I hope she doesn't lose faith in herself. And to the human, I'm sorry. You might think this is all your fault, but it's not. I have had problems way before you ever fell here. Don't blame yourself for my actions and my pain. If you wish to find me, I'm in the woods. I love you, but it's already too late. I'll see you in another life, I promise. Keep your head held high, and never, never lose your joy. You always had the sweetest laugh. I love you so so so much. Goodbye.

Love,  
Sans

There. It was done. Now to just gather the belt. Sans placed the letter on Papyrus' night stand, next to the action figures he had given him once for Christmas. The memory was a happy one, but it brought tears to his eyes. He felt the scene flash before him, and he slipped into the small memory. 

_~~~_

_"Sans!!" The small skeleton called. He was merely 8 years old, but Sans adored his younger brother. He leaped down from the top bunk, where he resided during the night, or really, whenever he felt tired, which tibia honest, was a lot. "Let's go wake Grillby!!! I wanna open my presents!" Papyrus grinned, bouncing up and down, taking hold of Sans' hand._

_"Okay okay bro," Sans chuckled, and allowed his younger brother to drag him to the the smaller bedroom next door to their own, passing by the bathroom on the way. Both children stopped at the ledge that looked out onto the lower floor, into the living room where the Christmas tree stood, its homemade and store bought ornaments glimmering from the lights that adourned it. The shining star sat on top, slightly crooked from when Papyrus had wobbly placed it on top, sitting on Grillby's shoulder's for extra height._

_Bursting through the door, the two jumped like rabbits onto Grillby's bed, Papyrus shouting for him to wake up. "Wake up Wake up! Present time!!!" His smile lit up the whole room. Grillby heaved himself up, his flame sparking pink and purple, his happy colours. "It's Christmas Grillby!!"_

_"Yes it is!!" The flame grinned back, lifting the two skeletons in his arms. "Shall we go open the gifts?"_

_"Yes yes yes!!" Papyrus and Sans stated excitedly in unicent._

_They trampled down the stairs, and began to tear into the presents. Sans eye sockets leaked slightly at the gifts he was given, and Papyrus squealed as he saw his own presents. "Action figures!!" He cried with glee. "Thank you thank you thank you!!" He jumped at his older brother, and the two hugged as Grillby laughed at the two's silly antics._

_~~~_

_No._ He couldn't think about that. He shook the memory from his skull. Papyrus had a whole rack in his closet devoted to golden belts, and a single brown leather one. Sans picked this one up, and rubbed it between his forefingers. Perfect. This is the time. Now he just has to make it to the woods.

Sans began a rapid dash, faster than he ever ran, actually, the first time he ran in at least years upon years. Onlookers on the streets of Snowdin looked at him with amazement. He is pretty freaking lazy, so no one was used to seeing him sprint across the snow and ice. Not once did he fall. How? He has no clue.

He reached the woods in record timing. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled in and out. Soon, he would be free of the terror of life.

Sans began to hike into the maze of trees, searching for one to climb. When he spotted the one, he thought it was perfect. The bark was all there, so he would have a good footing. One perfect branch jutted out. That is the one. The branch that held his death sentence.

Whilst string the belt over the branch, he whispered to himself, "I hope Papyrus doesn't lose his mind like me. He doesn't deserve to feel pain and sadness, unlike ME." He breathed hastily, air puffing into small clouds. There. The belt was ready. Now, just to slip his neck through, and drop. No more pain for Sans.

He slipped his head through the slip knot hole, and grinned a last smile. He would die smiling, acting fake, as always. "I love you so much Papyrus. Don't cry."

Sans jumped.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Frisk's pov

Frisk was walking, not jogging back to Papyrus' house. Papyrus wanted to "play" with his action figures with them and Undyne, so Frisk offered to be the one to fetch them. Sans would surely have left the door unlocked, even if he was at grillbyz for some reason, so getting in wouldn't be a problem in the slightest. Twisting the golden doorknob, they entered the house. No sight of Sans. Probably at Grillbyz. Boy, is he lazy! They walked up the stairs, grinning from ear to ear. Papyrus and Undyne were fun people to play with!

Frisk entered the younger of the two skeleton brother's bedroom, and spotted the action figures. They walked over to the table, and began to collect them into a box Undyne had provide. That's when Frisk noticed something strange. A folded letter, with "Papyrus" written on the top in the font comic sans. Frisk, being their nosy curious childish self, decided to investigate it.

After finishing scanning the letter,Frisk's breathing came to a halt. "Sans no please.." Frisk dropped everything and began a desperate sprint towards the woods by where they had first ventured out into the underground. They pleaded with all their willpower that somehow, just SOMEHOW, they could stop Sans. They reached the woods in record timing, 6 minutes. But that might be too late.

Frisk trampled over sticks and leaves, snow piles and snow poffs, passing bushes and trees and animals. They follow the footsteps, footsteps from a slipper.

Frisk let out a shrieking cry of despair.

Sans was hanging from a tree, a belt fastened around his neck tightly. A pink slipper was remaining upon his foot, and the other was on the well worn snowy ground, upside down. Sans had slight dust beginning to build up on his arms and legs, both hanging limp and lifeless. Frisk collapsed in a shaking pile of misery, their eyes raining rivers and floods.

"Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry IM SORRY!!!" Frisk shouted to the world, their voice echoing across the leaves and trees. "I'm so STUPID! Why did I DO it? I made you do this. I was the one who caused you to-t-tooo-" There voice broke off into sobs, their whole body convulsing. They had done this. Their stupid 9 year old self had forced their friend to erase themselves from existence.

All Frisk wanted to do was cry and mourn their friend, but they had to get help. They had to tell Papyrus and Undyne.

Frisk's soul pounded in their ears as they ran. They ran faster than they ever had before, even from Undyne's spears. Their wails could be heard for miles around. Frisk's feet pounded from Snowdin to Waterfall, Until reaching Undyne's house.

"Human! We were becoming worri- Wait. What's wrong?" Undyne questioned, head cocked.

Frisk fell on their knees from exhaustion. "Papyr-*huff*-us. *cough*" Frisk choked out. "I-it's *hacking noises inserted here XD* Sans."

Papyrus' face fell into a seriously worried state. He flashed a look at Undyne that said "Let's go." Undyne scooped up Frisk, and Frisk told Undyne where to go, and then the fish girl shouted them up to Papyrus. They took the River person so to get there faster. Finally, they reached the woods, and Papyrus tore through the foliage, ripping up anything in his path. The other two followed closely behind.

Frisk knew when they had reached the spot, since wails of despair wafted around the clearing. Undyne set Frisk down, and pulled out a spear. Using that and her swift movements, she cut Sans free. Papyrus rushed forth to catch his older brother.

Undyne looked over at Papyrus, then kneeled down beside him. He had his head pressed to Sans' chest, waiting, just WAITING, so desperately to hear some life from him. But no, Sans was gone. Fading to dust slowly.

"Why-why d-didn't you tell m-me!" Papyrus whispered.

Sans body was gone.

 

* * *

 

Sans awoke in bed, feeling mentally drained. Wait, why was he alive again?!?! He just wanted to die. Is it that hard to ask? He wasn't satisfied with his life. Is it too hard to just let him go? Fade to dust? Be no more? It shouldn't be. Now, Frisk is going to come after him to stop him. What can he do? Where can he go? These are questions he doesn't know how to answer.

"Sans?" Papyrus' shrill voice shouted to him. Sans cringed to the idea of his brother's reaction. Of course, he could only imagine the pain he had endured seeing him hung from a belt. "Do you have anything you have to do today? If not, the human said they are stopping by soon to chat with you. Aren't they so nice? They must have noticed how reclusive you have been lately. All you have done is stay hollowed up in your room all day and night. What do you even do in there? Don't you get bored? How do you eat?" Papyrus rambled on.

Guilt flooded over him, but one thing stuck out to Sans. The human. They were coming to visit him. 'Oh heck no' Sans thought, and whammed open his door, throwing on his signature blue hoodie. "Actually Paps, I gotta head. Alphys needed me to come over. Tell the human tomorrow or something, ok?"

"But the human seemed so serious about it...." Papyrus looked downcast. "That is quite alright though! I, the Great Papyrus, shal be their playmate and entertain them for you! I'm just happy you getting out to see Alphys. As I always say, Friends heal everything! I have said that at least once, right?"

"....Sure Paps." To be honest, Sans mind wasn't there during his monolouge. His brain was off wondering. "I'll be back tonight for dinner. Spagetti as usual?"

"Yes! Brilliant Idea! I will invite Undyne and the Human over! And you invite Alphys!"

"Whatever you say bro." Sans was already shutting the door behind him. He had to get out of that. Run away or something. Never thought he would be one to flee, but he doesn't know what else to do. If he kills himself again, like he wants to, Frisk would just reset. Simple as that. They wanted him to live, even if he didn't. Stupid naive kid.

At least he didn't lie to Paps. He was heading to Alphys' lab. Sans had been meaning to visit her for a while now, knowing how badly her experiments were going. He felt slightly bad for casting her out, knowing she too was suicidal. They should stick together, not grow apart.

Sighing, he snapped his fingers, arriving at the entrance to Alphys' lab house in seconds. The fast short cut made his head spin, as it did sometimes. Headaches were not unusual either.

Anyways, off topic. Sans rang the doorbell, and heard something metallic clatter to the floor from inside. "S-sorry! I'll be right there! I j-just dropped my m-mouse..." Footsteps sounded, and the door zoomed up, and open. "Oh! H-hello S-sans! C-come on in!"

Sans took a weary step inside. "W-why don't you c-come upstairs. I'll g-get out some chairs for us to sit in." Alphys dashed off to hell knows where. She still had her stutter. He walked slowly until he got to the elevator that took him up to the loft area, and stood until it brought him to the destination.

There, Sans saw Alphys scurrying about, opening up chairs and such quickly. After she had opened them, she tossed a few pillows that had pictures of anime girls wearing dark clothing and spiked necklaces. He couldn't help but think this looked silly. No matter, he still sat down and looked over at her with a sad smile.

"S-so Sans... I haven't s-seen you in a while. There must be s-some reason why you vi-visited." Alphys questioned, her words overlapping and jumbling out.

"Well, TIBIA honest, I got a something a bit more serious to talk about." Sans heaved a breath. "Nothing bad about you, but more so... me."

"Oh! W-well, let it all out! I c-can listen pretty well."

Sans closed his eyes and began."Well, I, uh, this is hard to say. You do know about timelines, right? We have discussed them before." Alphys nodded. "And that the kid can save and reset?" Same response. "Ok, well, er, In the last timeline, I kinda was extremely depressed, and I, uh, still am, but, I kinda, k-killed myself." Alphys eyes widened. "I know what you are thinking!! I-I... I still want to die. Thats kinda why I came here. What happened to the point where I am ALIVE again, is, well, I had hung myself by a belt, right? In Snowdin's forest. Sorry for that description. The kiddo must have, well, FOUND me, and called for help, and then loaded a save or something, since I was back in my bed, like the morning. Papyrus told me that the kid wanted to come, er, talk to me. So, I took one of my, ya know, shortcuts here, and I wanted to see if you er, could stop the kid from resetting or something?

Alphys, first of all, was shocked from his suicide. Second, she was just realizing what he was asking of her. "N-no! I'm n-not going to help you commit suicide Sans." She stared at her fumbling fingers, and lowered her voice. "I have been there enough times myself. I don't want to see you die."

"....."

"Sans, what if you stayed with me for a bit? It c-could help you." Alphys offered.

"... I shouldn't have come here." He stood up abrubtly. "No one gets it. Not even you." Voice was cold, and his words were ice.

"Goodbye." He hissed, and teleported away.

"NO SANS WA- hes gone." Alphys collapsed to the floor, defeated.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Sans had teleported to, well, he wasn't sure.

"Ugh... All dark." He muttered curses. "God damnit, why did I teleport without thinking about where I'm going?!"

 

Sans jumped back, and fell to the ground, hard. "You shouldn't beeeee hereeeeeeeee" a voice, male, whispered. "I could do so much to hurt you." He cackled. "But, for once, I won't"

Sans knew that voice, and panic began to rise in his throat like bile. Before he had a chance to move, or process the situation, a flash rose in the darkness, and a face was illuminated. The face had an eye closed by force it seemed, since a crack was down their skull. They also had an eerie grin. Suddenly, Sans was back in Alphys lab.

"Alphys?" He whispered. His skull aches, and he whimpered, then, he flopped onto the ground with a sickening crack.

 

* * *

  

Sans awoke to a bright light shining in his face, then a voice exclaiming happy triumphs. "He's awake! Yes!" It was high and shrill, so it had to have been papyrus. Sans rubbed his sore eye sockets and heaved himself up to look around at where he was.

He was on his couch back in Snowdin, with Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, and Frisk all gathered around him. He wondered how long he had been out.

"H-heya guys. Sorry I dozed off there hehe.." Sans managed out, scratching the back of his skull uncomfortably. He wasn't used to all the attention. His eyes gazed around and he saw frisk, who motioned for him to get everyone else to leave. He new what would come if that happened so he decided to ignore the kids pleas.

Sans self consciously rubbed his femur, where he had chipped away at his bones. Frisk's death glare only became more threatening. He thought for a moment, and decided to let Frisk talk to him in private. "Hey guys, is it okay if me and the kid talk for a sec? Alone? won't be long, promise"

The others nodded in approval, exiting the room. Frisk sat down on the faded green couch. "So Sans. Wanna explain that last timeline?" The kid began, their voice quiet yet strong.

"I dont wanna."

Frisk sighed. "You need to talk to your brother."

That took Sans aback. Yeah, he new that the kid would want to know crap and such, but them wanting him to tell Papyrus???? Uh, heck to the no. Sans stayed quiet and awaited Frisk's continuation. "Yes, sans, he will be upset. Very upset. But what do you think slipping away from him slowly is doing? Watching you fade away because you're too stubborn to tell anyone about your inner problems and emotions to get help? Knowing that just sitting by and watching as you destroy yourself slowly is all he can do? This has to be horrible on him."

"you have no place to talk kiddo, especially when you're one of my problems. Now get the heck out."

The kid was quiet for a few seconds, then responded. "Ill leave, but Im getting your brother now. Consider this a favor." Frisk left the room.

Well then. That didn't work.

Sans sat in silence with a frown on his face until a soft knock appeared on the front door. "It's Papyrus. The human said you needed to talk to me?" Sans immediately put on his fake smile and sat upright.

"Nah bro. They just wanted you to see that Im okay" Sans grinned wider in attempts to prove that was all the kid wanted for his bro to know. He didn't want to break his brothers oblivious innocence, much like a child's innocence. He COULDN'T be the one to break it. He couldn't be like the one who broke his own happy outlook on the world, all those years ago. He shuddered at the thought.

Papyrus made his way over to the couch, and offered a hand to sans. "Can we talk about this up in my room?" This gave Sans chills as he feared what would come next. Yet, he still to the outreached boney hand of his brother and shakily stood up.

Walking upstairs was a struggle, even if it was such a short distance. Sans was so unsteady Papyrus had to cling to Sans' hand as Sans gripped the railing tightly. Why was he so shaky??

Once arrival at Papyrus' room, sans sat down on his brother's racer bed, steadying himself. But Papyrus only lingered in the room for a moment as sans caught his breath, before he swiftly left the room with a small bag. He wasn't gone long until he returned, an item or two in the bag, but the objects were unidentifiable by Sans. This only furthered his anxiety.

"Sans, I know you haven't been open to me all the time. A-and, I know some things you might think I don't. I don't know the entire story or truth, but I do know part of it." Papyrus emptied out the objects, and to Sans' dismay, he recognized both of them. A mallet and a blade. "Brother.. Explain. Please." His voice cracked ever so slightly at the last word.

Sans didn't know what to say. What could he say in a situation like this?? His own torture weapons were strewn upon the bed in front of him, and his brother is asking for him to explain himself. "B-br-bro I-i..."

"I know you have depression Sans. Alphys told me the symptoms when I first suspected it. I didn't find these until recently, but I kept quiet hoping that you would tell me yourself. And then you collapsed and passed out in Alphys' lab. J-just, spill it out. I don't care how much it will hurt me. Just tell me."

Sans' soul was pained as he choked out words, still no tears. "I-I'm s-so so-sorrryyyyy......" His voice trailed off into a small whimper. "I-I never me-meant for you to fi-find out l-like this."

"It's okay brother. I may not understand why just yet, But I hope that sometime you can find the strength to tell me. But for now, just explain what has happened. I don't need to know why."

And with that, Sans couldn't take it. He let the words that have been on the tip of his tongue for months now, years, fly out. He didn't once stutter, just confiding in his younger brother. "I was upset. I was depressed. That was years ago. It literally began years ago. I remember feeling.. nothing. Just empty. I picked up jokes and puns to hide my god awful mood and aura. But that was only the start. I began breaking my own bones, with that mallet. Sometimes I would even just crush them under force, simply healing them with magic afterwords. Then I started the chipping. I used the blade to make marks in my legs that will never fully heal, no matter how much magic or power I put into them, or anyone, for that matter. Then came the feelings of just giving up. Hopelessness. Worthlessness. I began thinking about jumping off into the Abyss in waterfall. I began thinking about buying the old gun over in the alleyway and finding some bullets to shoot through my skull and soul. I thought about hanging myself. And I did. That "joke" suicide attempt.. it was real. You weren't meant to find me until I was fading away. But you saved me, and I had yet another thing to hate myself for as I lived on in the hopeless underground. Then, this won't make sense brother, but trust me. You can ask Alphys about this later. Last timeline, I did it. I hung myself in the forest right outside of the ruins door. I died. I committed suicide. The kid found me and reloaded a save file. Again this is all confusing but ask Alphys later. Thats why I'm alive again. I don't WANT to be alive. I want to die. I want to give myself the pain I deserve. I want to FEEL something besides emptiness. But I can't. Im too weak. Too pathetic. Im sorry I'm a horrible brother. I just want you to be happy."

"Sans." Papyrus rubbed his brothers spine as the older of the two skeleton brothers shook, each breath a struggle. "I cannot say I understand how you feel, but please know I care about you more than anything, or anyone for that matter, else. I love you, with each day you push through. I promise you are not alone."

Sans couldn't meet his younger sibling's eyes, for he was filled with too much guilt. The older brother flung himself at Papyrus and began to cry hard, electric blue tears flowing down his skull. His seemingly permanent smile was less than cheerful. Papyrus cried too, and clung to his brother with all his might, like if he let go, Sans would turn into dust.

"Sans. Its okay. We will get through this."

"I promise."


	2. Flower

Sans sat alone in his room, head in his hands. Since his brother has known about his suicide attempts, self harming, and depression, he was never left alone. Right now was the first time he got peace and quiet for 6 days. The last week had been horrible. There was always someone's eyes staring into his hood, or someone dragging him around to do meaningless boring everyday tasks. Papyrus had taken it upon himself to be Sans' personal caretaker, but the younger skeleton brother still had to do his sentry duty from time to time, so Sans had been stuck sitting in Alphys lab. Alphys was usually either sitting and watching anime or whatever and eating instant noodles or just sorting through boxes and books or playing on her computer. Sans did not do much, usually sitting and observing the scene with a blank face and no expression. Other times he had read a "science history" book, aka manga. He honestly, hated Alphys with a burning passion, but he never knew if he would admit that to anyone. Besides, not doing anything had grown rather boring , so he complained to Papyrus and the younger brother finally gave in to letting Sans just be on his own in the house.

I mean, it wasn't like he was gonna kill himself while Paps was gone. Well, he has thought about it but that doesn't mean he would actually do it. He just had the stupid thoughts too often. Yeah, his bro is doing the best he can to make Sans happier again, but it is not working. Sans really just wanted to get his mind off of things and drag a blade along his femurs to chip off bone pieces. The refreshing feeling of pain is something he misses dearly right now. The pain reminds him he is alive, and not in one of those god awful resets or dreams or shit. 

Sans shook his head, and flopped back onto his (made) bed. These thoughts are ruining him. He needs to stop, but it is so hard. His sockets shut tightly and his mouth scrunched up into a frown like form. His hands made his way to his head once again, and he rubbed his under sockets hard. 

Memories. So many memories have been flooding back to him recently. His past. I mean, of course Papyrus wouldn't remember that. No one did. Even if others did, he was too much of a baby bones at the time for the younger skeleton to remember much of anything. When Sans fled he was only 9 years old at the time, and Paps was 4. 

The doctor haunted his dreams at night. Well, the dreams were honestly anything but dreams. They were terrifying, horrifying nightmares. The only horrid thing is, they weren't just nightmares, but memories. Memories of being tested and worked and worse. Way worse. Sans never thought there could be anything worse than injections, but god dangit there is.

Sans flung himself up. No. He wouldn't let himself think about that. He has to act happy. For his brother.

Walking out of his bedroom, Sans glanced at the wall with the bone image. Papyrus had gotten some artsy monster to paint that for their house. It was a large sum of gold for the huge image, but Papyrus was happy with it, so Sans went along with whatever he wanted. Although, after buying that, Sans didnt eat for a week or two because of the low gold. All his food went to Papyrus. Sans shook his head again.  _Stop thinking negatively._ He told himself under his breath. He wandered down the stairs slowly, grasping the railing. He wasn't feeling sick or ill, just tired. But that was usual. Once he had made it to the main floor, Sans walked along the fuzzy blue and purple zig zag carpet, his slippers squishing into it. As much as Sans wanted to just flop on the couch and watch whatever program Mettaton had on TV, he knew he should make dinner for Papyrus. He would be starving once he came home from his sentry duty and training with Undyne.

Sans made his way to the kitchen and opened up the cabinets. As much as he liked to humor his brother with his spaghetti, something new would be nice. Maybe tortellini. That could be good. They already had the tortellini premade, he just had to cook 'em up in a pot of boiling water, and add sauce. Maybe he would even make some garlic bread if he was up for it.

Taking out a pot, he filled it with water and began it on the stove, then Sans pulled out the package of Tortellini and bit it open with his teeth, for all the sharp objects had been removed from the house. The water was boiling, so he poured in the noodles and waited. While he was waiting, he pulled out a pan and placed the frozen garlic bread on it, and tossed it in the oven, and set the timer.

Once the bread was finished, he took it out and allowed it to sit and cool. Not soon after, the tortellini was completely cooked. Sans poured out the water using a strainer and returned the noodles to the saucepan, and poured in the spaghetti sauce, adding a few spices here and there. Then he turned back to the garlic bread, which had cooled down by now, and removed it from the metal pan. Sans knew that he could ask his neighbor for a knife quickly, but it seemed that as if everyone in the underground knew about him. Sans searched around in the drawers until he found a butter knife. He sighed, but it was good enough.

The bread was cut, and the noodles were complete, so he plated them. Sans actually got a little into it, and sprinkled seasoning on both to make them look fancy, and chose two glass cups from the cupboard. He filled them both with milk, and set them down on the table. Sans stood back and admired his work. Papyrus should be home any moment now.

 **He won't like it, you know.** A voice suddenly whispered in his ear. Sans whipped around, but saw no one. He attempted to brush it off. Must be nothing, but his breathing was still a bit fast. He knew that voice, but Papyrus was going to be home in less than 5 minutes, and he needed to seem stable. Sans plopped on the couch and turned on the television, and plastered a lazy grin on his skull.

 

* * *

 

Papyrus was grinning so widely, it hurt. Undyne had told him how great his attacks were getting, and he even almost knocked her down today! He was so proud. Now, he was returning home to Sans. 

Sans.

The name made the younger brother's heart ache. Papyrus had been so worried about Sans lately. The younger skeleton held a grudge against himself, feeling guilty and horrible since he didn't realize how horrible his older brother had been until he broke down. Papyrus wishes he knew how to help, but he has no clue how to. He's doing the best he can for now at least. 

Sans had protested to being under watch 24/7 by either Papyrus or Alphys or someone. The older brother expressed how annoying and stupid it was, so Papyrus decided to let him stay home today, as a sort of test run to see if he would do okay. The entire thing was nerve racking for Papyrus, who simply wanted to hug his older brother and protect him, but he knew Sans wouldn't allow that. Or at least, he knows now. Sans had and always has been Papyrus' protection, not the other way around, but only as of recent is he realizing this.

Papyrus shook off the thoughts. He could not be weak, for he was the Great Papyrus! He must go home and serve up some dinner for his brother. Tonight's dinner was not going to be composed of burgers yet again.

Feet crunching in the snow, and scarf blowing in the wind, Papyrus made his way to the house Sans and Papyrus owned. The younger brother smiled contently at the memory of Grillby buying the house for the three of them, but the memory came with its own sad pangs that caused his soul to throb.

Agh. No more thinking like that. Papyrus arrived at the house and turned the golden doorknob after stomping off the snow on the mat outside their door on the porch. Sans was lounging on the couch, flipping through channels using the remote. 

"Hello brother!! I have arrived home, so i will go cook us up some dinner," Papyrus exclaimed, walking near Sans. 

"Oh don't worry 'bout dinner Paps. I made it tonight. Ill bring it out to you. Why don't you choose a channel for us to watch?" Sans told him, leaping up from the couch, and wandering towards the kitchen. Sans never cooked dinner. He never cooked at all. Well, a few times, but on very rare occasions. What had inspired him to make dinner for them tonight?

Sans walked out of the kitchen, carrying two lap desks to place the meals on so they could sit in the living room whilst eating dinner. Papyrus sat down and waited in anticipation for the plates of food Sans had prepared. It smelled good, if anything. Sans wandered out of the kitchen, holding two glasses of milk, and set them on the trays, returning to the kitchen once more to retrieve the food.

 Papyrus anxiously awaited the arrival of the dinner, and as soon as Sans came baking sat down, the younger brother squealed. It was tortellini! Papyrus remembered trying it at MTT resort once, and had bought a package of remade tortellini at the store 3 weeks ago or so when he saw it at the local store. He never got around to making it though.

He also noticed that there was garlic bread on his plate. Sans really went all out, huh. Papyrus turned to Sans "Thank you dear brother for the wonderful dinner!" He exclaimed, and Sans shot him a side smile, feeding himself a forkful of the noodles.

Papyrus began digging in to his food, and after eating half his plate, he turned to his elder brother "So, why did you make dinner tonight? You never do," Papyrus wondered aloud.

"Because you're my bro and I wanted to make you happy," Sans shrugged. "I guess i just needed to get my mind off of stuff."

The younger brother didn't pry for Sans' thoughts. Papyrus knew that would only make matters worse. "I'll wash the dishes tonight," He offered, as he finished the last crumbs of his garlic bread, emptying his plate. 

Sans looked up at Papyrus with a weary smile. "Thanks Paps. You're the best," Sans thought for a second. "I think I'm gonna go to be, okay? Im real tired," He yawned.

Papyrus nodded, and gathered the plates and cups, carrying them to the kitchen. As he reached the sink and began to scrub the dishes, Papyrus heard the door to Sans' room close. The younger skeleton sighed.

As thankful as he was for Sans making dinner, that only made his worrying worse. Papyrus could never predict how Sans would act, and that is something that scares him a lot.

Papyrus didn't know what to do anymore. He has been trying so hard for the last 6 days to make Sans happy, but nothing has worked. All the younger skeleton wanted was to make Sans happy again. Papyrus wants to find Sans professional help, because as great as he is, he cannot help his older brother all on his own. But he knew Sans would never go for it. He was too stubborn. 

He finished washing the dishes, and retreated to the couch to watch some MTT. Papyrus searched the channels and found a old rerun of an MTT fashion show. The younger skeleton brother relaxed, and let his mind ease.

 

* * *

 

Sans flopped on his bed, staring at his white ceiling. Glowing stars placed in forms of constellations from the surface world scattered it. Sans had learned the name of all of them from a book he borrowed from the library, and decided to use the book to map out all the ones he could fit on his ceiling. The outcome was really cool actually. It was nice to fall asleep looking up at them and naming each and everyone.

Turning on his side, Sans bore his sockets into the wall across from his bed. His room was so clean and organized now. Papyrus cleaned it all up 4 days ago, even removing the self sustaining tornado from his bedroom. Sans wasn't quite sure how he did it, but he does know that its all neat now, and hard to find things, but even harder to hide things.

A wave of exhaustion hit him like a stone falling from one of the waterfalls. He could barely keep his sockets open, as Sans burrowed into his blankets. His eyes blinked closed, and dreams came.

_"Shh.. Paps you gotta be quiet dang it. I love you but he's gonna get you if you don't close your mouth right now," Sans begged his younger brother. They hid in the corner of the small room. Their room was no bigger than a closet, and the ceiling drooped low. There was no privacy, for the wall with the door heading into the hallway was unbreakable glass (believe me, he had tried to break it) and a glass door with a keypad lock that Sans could never get the combination right for._

_Papyrus seemed to realize how desperate Sans was and quickly hushed himself. Sans let out a choked sigh of relief, but mid_ _sigh he saw the Doctor approaching the glass door. Sans moved Papyrus behind him and looked down quickly._

_"WD1S, come with me," The Doctor commanded. Sans obeyed, and Papyrus let out a low wine. the older brother shot a begging look at his younger brother, pleading him to be silent. Papyrus hushed once again. Sans followed the doctor, straight posture, but head down. Five steps back, no closer, no farther. He had learned the rules of walking as one of his first tests._

_"Today we are going to do your scheduled injection and then some strengthening," The Doctor stated, leading Sans into an all too familiar room. It was the operating room, the place Sans went to get tortured. "The dosage of Determination will be .06 mm today instead of .03 mm like the last 6 times." Sans played down on the operating table, making no noise as the Doctor strapped him on the table. The Doctor filled a very small syringe with the red substance, and turned to Sans, summoning the skeleton's soul._

_Sans' sockets squeezed shut and awaited the pain that was soon to come rushing through him. And it did. The Doctor injected the liquid Determination into Sans' soul as Sans screamed, falling unconscious._

_~~~_~~~_

Sans' sockets flew open and his pupils darted around the room as he felt tears streaming down his face. The entire room was encased in blue magic, and he felt his mouth open but heard no noise coming out of it. There was complete silence. He also felt nothing until he moved his head to see Papyrus clutching Sans' shaking body, and Sans' hearing returned as he heard himself screaming. He shut his mouth and muffled his sobs. _  
_

"Sans! Sans please stop! Sans talk to me! Whats going on??" Papyrus begged, rocking Sans in his bony arms. Sans hiccuped, his vision blurry. He continued to cry as his eye throbbed like fucking hell.

"He..was th-there," Sans choked out. "He h-hurt me. It hurt m-me!" He wailed, clutching on to Papyrus' red scarf. 

"Who hurt you Sans?" Papyrus sounded even more concerned, and began searching Sans' body for any harm, but stopped when Sans shoved him away.

"D-dont. Please," He whimpered, curling into himself. 

Papyrus stepped away. "Sans its me. Papyrus. Your brother," He stated calmly.

"P-Paps?" Sans let out a sigh, tears still streaming down, as he flopped on to the carpet. Papyrus walked forward and sat down next to his older brother, wrapping his arms around him. "Im sorry. Im so sorry. I didn't.. I wasn't... I don't know," His tears slowly stopped.

"Sans it is okay. I forgive you," Papyrus rubbed Sans back. "I won't ask anything else, but at least explain to me why I awoke to you screaming your soul out while the entire town including me was sleeping?" Papyrus questioned in a soothing tone.

 **Dont you tell him** the voice hissed into his skull. Sans soul began to race but he calmed himself down. "Just a nightmare Paps. Im gonna try to sleep again, you should too," Sans thought for a moment. "Actually, can I go hang at Grillby's? I feel like he and I should catch up."

Now, Papyrus wanted so badly to decline Sans, so the younger brother could protect him, but Papyrus knew that Grillby had a way with getting things out of Sans, so he nodded in allowance. "Okay, but be back in the morning please. I wanted to do something with you tomorrow because it is my day off," Papyrus got up as Sans got up too, rubbing his skull on his jacket's sleeve.

Sans watched as Papyrus closed his bedroom door, and then Sans began running down the stairs and out their front door, shutting it behind him. Grillbyz wasn't open this time of night, but Sans was sure the flame element wouldn't mind Sans dropping in, even if it is pretty late.

Walking around the the side, where the alleyway was, Sans knocked on the side door. "Grillby? You in there? Its Sans," He knocked once more, and stood back for a moment. The door cracked open, and then opened all the way. 

"Why Hello Sans. What are you doing out at this time of night?" 

"Needed some company," Sans shrugged. "And there was a few things I needed to get out of my skull, if that's alright."

Grillby held the door open for Sans as he entered inside the flame's studio apartment in the back of the bar. Sans flopped on top of Grillby's bed. The element sat down next to the skeleton and pulled off his glasses. Grillby's brown eyes stared down Sans' figure as Sans moved himself to a sitting position. 

"So Sans. I haven't seen you in a while," The flame monster chuckled. "More like a month, if I'm honest. How has it been going?"

Sans sighed deeply. "Tibia honest, not too good old man," Sans was awarded a crack of a smile from Grillby for that. "Some things went down last week, or well, technically it went down a little bit before that, but it's hard to explain."

Grillby nodded, allowing Sans to continue. "So you know that timelines thing I have attempted to explain to you before?" Another nod. "Well, there is also these things called 'Save Points'. That kid, the human, they can use the Save points whenever they find one, which I don't know exactly where they are yet, but I have figured it's at least every once in a while."

"These Save points, when the kiddo uses them, it saves their progress. They can return to the exact spot without anyone remembering if they die. Well, except me. But every time they die, they go back to their last Save Point. So last week, the kiddo and Papyrus were playing with Undyne or whatever, and they saved right before they went to play, i guess. Well, I wasn't in the best place at that point, you know, my depression and crap, so I went and did something stupid," Grill by groaned. Sans did so many stupid things, but Grillby still loved the bonehead. "I ran off to the woods and hung myself by a belt."

The room grew cold. Sans turned to Grillby, and noticed his flame was really low, not the lowest he has seen it, or maybe about equal. Either way, the room was chilly now, literally. Grillby's flame was a deep shade of blue, and the element had the temperature of a normal monster, which defiantly was not normal for Grillby, him being a flame and all. Sans could only remember a few times when his flame was this low.

"But the kiddo found me I guess. They reloaded the Save File and I was alive again. great," Sans rolled his pupils in his sockets. Grillby was silent. "But some things happened, I fell unconscious, and was brought back home. The kid forced me to talk to Paps so now he knows everything, and so does like the entire underground."

Grillby looked lost in thought, and both sat in an empty but full silence, until the flame spoke in a soft tone. "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" Sans whipped his head over to Grillby, who looked like he would be crying if he was capable of tears. "You and I, we promised, no secrets. But now," He waved his arm. "We are further apart than we have been in years."

Sans looked down. "I'm sorry, look Grillby, it's so hard to talk to people about this stuff," Sans wiped a lone tear. " I'm so sorry."

"Sans, please look at me," Grillby held Sans skull in his hands, and looked him in the sockets. "Please don't keep things from me," A choked sob came from Grillby as his straight posture crumpled. "You're my son. We settled that a long time ago. That's how its been since- well for years. a decade. Over that. I can't do this. You can't keep this from me. Please don't-"

Grillby stopped rambling as Sans flung himself at the flame.  "N-no more secrets, okay?" Sans promised. "I just can't stand seeing you so upset."

The element nodded, and they clutched each other, rocking each other as both let out small cries. Occasionally Sans would murmur something Grillby couldn't quite make out,  but just nodded and kept holding him.

They ended up falling asleep in that position, they were sitting there so long. It was as if Sans was a small child again, needing comfort after the escape. Sans awoke to Grillby nudging him gently. "Sans, Papyrus is here to see you," Sans nodded and hopped up. "Come back and visit me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay Grillby. I will," Sans promised, slipping on his signature hoodie on. Grillby held open the side door as Sans exited, sending the flame a small side smile, and greeted his younger brother with a grin. "Hey Paps."

"Hello brother! Did you have an okay time?" Papyrus glanced at Grillby, who nodded and smiled to the taller skeleton, waving slightly. 

"Yeah it was okay."

"I'm glad! Today I wanted to go out on a picnic in Waterfall, if that sounds good?" Papyrus asked, grinning widely.

Sans nodded. "Sounds fun bro," He passed one last goodbye smile at Grillby and walked out the door with his younger brother. 

"So you have the entire meal packed?" Sans asked, hands shoved in his pockets, walking along side with Papyrus.

"Yup! I packed some left over spaghetti for me, a hamburger from Grillby for you, and a new bottle of ketchup just for you!" Papyrus grinned. "I hope we can have a good day!"

Sans smiled up at Papyrus, a genuine smile. His younger brother did all this for him, like jeez. What did Sans do to deserve such a wonderful brother?? "Thanks Paps. It sounds perfect."

They walked along, and arrived at the river person's boat, and hopped on together. Sans never really liked this boat, it gave him bad vibes for some reason, but he still got on. "Waterfall!" Papyrus announced in a commanding tone, yet still kind.

They road along for 15 or 20 minutes until they got there. Papyrus babbled about his training session to Sans, who continuously nodded and gave him thumbs up, occasionally speaking up.

Once they arrived, Papyrus took Sans' phalanges in his own and ran off, dragging his older brother along as he clutched the picnic basket in the other hand. He walked along a path Sans had never seen before, and arrived in a beautiful blue room, with a small pond and willow trees with purple crystals hanging from it like leaves. Glowing echo flowers were scattered around, and there was a small bench near the water. Sans let out a gasp of surprise at the sight of such natural beauty, and let go of his younger brother's hand to run forth and explore himself. Papyrus let out a muffled giggle at Sans' curiosity, and went to set up.

The room wasn't too big, no bigger than Grillby's bar and apartment combined, but boy, was it gorgeous. Sans was mesmerized by the shards of glowing crystals growing from the ceiling. They were an array of greens, blues, purples, and pinks. Sans couldn't believe his eyes. He hadn't seen something so pretty for years. It was like he was a small child again, fascinated by everything he found after he was taken in by Grillby. It was so amazing. 

Sans sat down in a pile of blue flowers, and picked a few, creating two flower crowns quickly and easily. He used to do this all the time with the yellow flowers around the garbage dump, but the blue flowers, they were something new. Something amazing. Something beautiful. Sans hopped up and ran over to Papyrus, sneaking up behind his younger brother and delicately dropped the flower crown on Papyrus' skull and laughed.

"I made you a flower crown!" Sans exclaimed, placing his own on his skull. "Do you like it?"

Papyrus grinned, peering into the reflection of the water. "It's amazing! Thank you!"

Sans sat down and took a bite of his hamburger. "No, thank you! You showed me this place," Sans sighed a happy relieved sigh. "It's so beautiful."

"I knew you would like it!" Sans smiled up at his brother as his brother began eating his own dish.

They ate in silence for a while, and eventually went home. Sans, being his normal exhausted self, went straight to his room, but with a satisfied feeling throughout his body. He had a good day. 

Papyrus reached home and spent the rest of the day training on his own outside their house, but couldn't keep his mind off Sans, for his worry was consuming him.

Both brothers kept their flower crowns.


	3. Random

Papyrus didn't sleep well that night. He tossed and turned and tried very hard, but nothing worked. Lights on, lights off. Door cracked open, door shut. Blankets, no blankets. Pillows, no pillows. Literally everything, yet sleep only came for minutes at a time each few hours. The younger brother got maybe an hour of sleep if he was generous.

Thoughts of Sans flooded his mind. He kept remembering how happy Sans looked when Papyrus showed his older brother the secret place. It filled his soul with joy and happiness at the memory. But when they got home, Papyrus didn't want Sans to go sleep without him. Maybe it was just him being selfish or over protective. Sans insisted on sleeping in his own room alone. Papyrus clutched onto the blue flower crown Sans had woven for him, setting it on his bedside table next to his action figures. Papyrus kind of hoped Sans kept his too. It felt... special.

Today Papyrus had to go train with Undyne, so he got out of bed begrudgingly, feeling exhausted. He walked along the hallway and peeked in Sans room, expecting to see him asleep. Papyrus was surprised to see him sitting on his bed, staring off into the distance. The older brother looked deep in thought, and did not notice Papyrus's presence. The younger skeleton stood in the doorway, trying to keep as silent as he could as he watched his brother. Sans picked up the flower crown on his floor and Papyrus felt his soul lift up a bit from the small amount of joy that filled him at the sight. 

Sans dropped his flower crown and sighed, letting his head fall into his now open hands. A small whimper sounded from his crumpled form, and Papyrus' happiness shrunk. Dang it. What could he do to cheer his brother up? And quickly?

Papyrus took a sharp breath and stepped inside, immediately alerting his older brother. Sans wiped his few cyan tears on the sleeve of his hoodie and attempted a smile. "W-whats up Paps?" He asked, drawing in a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. 

"I was going to go training with Undyne.. But you seem like you need me," Papyrus paused. "I'll just call her and tell her that I cannot today. She will surely understand," Sans began frantically shaking his head.

"No no no. You must go train, okay? I'll be fine." 

The younger brother knew better than that. Of course Sans wouldn't be fine! "Sans, I saw you crying! How is that fine?"

Sans quieted. Papyrus didn't really know what to do honestly. He began to turn towards the door to retrieve his phone so he could tell Undyne, when Sans spoke softly. "I'll go to Grillby's again."

Papyrus looked back at his brother. Grillby knows how to hand Sans almost as well as the younger skeleton himself, so he just nodded, and turned away. "I love you Sans."

It was quiet as Papyrus left. He hoped Sans would keep his word and go to Grillby's for real, since he was very worried about him. Grillby is good. Grillby is better than good. He's amazing. He's Dad.

Enough of those thoughts. 

Papyrus continued his slouchy stroll along the snow. It was the exact opposite of how he was before Sans' "incident". He had walked in an upbeat manner with a grin on his face and hands and arms swinging along his sides. He would shout out calls of "hello!" to the townspeople as he boarded the river person's boat. He would be  _excited_ to train with Undyne. But now... He was moping and downcast. His smile was gone. His upbeat pace had slunk into a slow walk with his head turned down. He ignored the looks he was given by the townspeople. Everyone knew there was something going on.

His head turned downwards, Papyrus arrived at the river person's boat, and silently passed a sum of 3 gold towards River Person."Waterfall" He said solemnly. The River Person nodded their head, and began to row along the rough waters. Small waves splashed onto the platform, soaking into Papyrus' red boots. He ignored it.

Once he arrived, Papyrus walked up and purchased two crabapples, one for him and the other for Undyne. Then, the tall skeleton turned left, and walked up to Undyne's house. He approached the door, wiped his now muddy boots, and gave a slight knock on the door.

The door burst open, nearly whacking Papyrus in the face. Undyne stood in the doorway, grinning widely. Papyrus didnt return the smile.

"Pap whats up?" Undyne grew concerned

 "It's... It's just Sans," Papyrus said quietly, stepping indoors carefully. Undyne gave him a knowing look.

"Look Paps," Undyne sighed, hand running through her long red hair. "Is there anything I can do? Just like, God, that poor dude. You know what? I'm coming over today and talking to him. It's the least I can do," She shrugged, a small, sad smile forming on her face. "It'll be okay."

* * *

 

Sans POV

Ugh.

Sans was sitting outside of Grillby's backdoor, teeth chattering, his bones rattling. Grillby wasn't home, but Sans didn't want to disappoint his brother and go home.  _He's most likely just at the store or something._ Sans thought, head ducking down as a cloud of snow was lifted on his face from the winter breeze. Or maybe Summer breeze. No way of telling what season it was down here. 

He was just about to give up and go home when the flame element bartender arrived back at the door. "Sans??" He asked, dropping the paper bag he had been holding. "You know you have a key, you could have just gone inside if you needed me!"

Shrugging sheepishly, Sans smiled guiltily. "I lost it."

"Seriously Sans," Grillby exclaimed, but he was smiling. "Lets get you inside. Then we can chat."

Sans followed Grillby inside of the small apartment like house, and sat down on the bed, once again. He didn't bother to take off his blue tennis shoes, as he knew Grillby wouldn't care, too much, anyways. Grillby ran into the kitchen and tossed the contents in the bag onto the counter and walked back. The short skeleton was positioned the edge of the bed, staring at the off white walls, eyes blank and expressionless. 

"Hey uh, you okay?" Grillby plopped down next to the skeleton. A heavy coat of silence drifted through the room as Sans didn't reply, but Grillby noticed a few tears dripping from his eyes. His bony fingers gripped the duvet cover, and his mouth was formed in a frown. The bartender could practically feel his son's emotional pain radiating up and over to him. It was painful to see. "I'm.. guessing you're not really okay."

A sigh sounded from the monster next to Grillby. "Yeah. I guess I'm not doing great," He flopped back as Grillby just stared at him, awaiting more knowledge on the situation. "Its just I'm not strong enough for this," He shut his eye sockets tightly, and balled his fists. "I just can't do this alone. Whenever I sleep I have nightmares, and whenever I'm awake I'm paranoid and I can't feel happy. I just.. Want to make Paps happy but I can't do that. I just can't."

Grillby stayed silent again, but played back on the bed next to Sans, bringing him into a hug. "A-and," Sans choked out. "I just want him to get the life he deserves so much. He shouldn't have to deal with m-me. I don't deserve you, or him, or anyone. I'm so sc-scared."

The flame elements grip tightened on the skeleton as Sans began to cry harder. "Sans, I can't stop you from feeling this way," Grillby whispered, pain in his voice from seeing his son this way. "But I'm here for you. Whether you like it or not. I, I really don't know what to do either. I want you two to be happy and get the life you both deserve.. I don't want you to be this way. I want to help," Grillby's voice cracked. "It's going to be okay. One day, it will."

* * *

 

Sans left Grillby's place a bit later, promising to visit the next day to check in. After Sans had stopped shedding tears, the two had a long talk, once again, about Sans. God, this isn't easy, but he can't give up. Not yet. He can't disappoint Papyrus. 

Speaking of Papyrus, he should be home by now. It's pretty late. Sans dried his face one last time of any stray tears with his blue sleeve, and took a deep breath. The big oak door stood in front of him. It shouldn't be this hard to enter the house, his own god damn house, but it just was. He didn't know what was awaiting him in there. 

A shaky foot forward, a twist of a doorknob, and Sans was inside. To his surprise, Undyne was awaiting him on the couch. "Hello Brother!" Papyrus called from the kitchen. "I'm making some dinner, and Undyne is staying for some tonight, if thats okay! Make sure she's making herself at home here. Dinner shouldn't be much longer," His bright and cheery voice bubbled out from the dining area. Undyne turned to Sans, and made a small smile, motioning for Sans to sit down. So he did.

Fear pounded in his ears. Sans knew what was coming. Yet another lecture and long talk. He can't keep doing this either. 

"Sans.. I just wanted to say.. I'm here for you," She breathed out, smile fading into a tiny frown. "I can't stand seeing you and Paps this way. I just want you both to be happy. You'd let me know if I could do anything, right?" Sans nodded a small nod. This wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. "Please."

Papyrus suddenly walked through the doorway, a grin painted on his skeletal face. "Dinners ready!"

...

_Later that night_

Sans lay in his bed, mind a mess. Thoughts were strewn about in a pile of hatred and pain. He needed his pain. Oh god he needed it. It was like, something like 2 am, but he just couldn't sleep. He couldn't do anything, but sit here and rock himself, crying out pools of tears. God, why was he this messed up. The soft carpet beneath him felt as if it was floating away as a flashback drifted into his mind. He desperately tried to shake himself free from the memory, but he was remembering. It was too late.

~~~

_"No! Dont take him away from me! Please I'll do anything! Please!!!" Sans cried out, screams of despair and fear ringing against the metal walls and floors. The doctor stood in the doorway, hold Papyrus in his arms, a glare upon his face. "Just_ _give him back!! Give him back now!!!"_

_"Who gives the orders around here?" The glare hardened, eyes cold and bitter. Tears threatened to spill out of Sans' eye sockets,and he reached his hand out, anger growing in the pit of his ribcage._

_"Give. Him. BACK!!" He shouted, eyes narrowing. A gaster blaster formed by his hand and fired, but the doctor simply created a shield around himself, and Papyrus was left out of the shield. The gaster blaster hit him._

_"No no no no no!!!" Sans whispered, and rushed forward. He was okay, but the guilty feeling settled in his mind, and he rocked his younger sibling back and forth, tears even closer to coming out. "I..I'm sorry," Sans said quietly, head bowed. "I won't do it again. Ever," He clutched Papyrus, and closed his eyes as tightly as he could._

_"Sure as hell you won't," The doctor said sternly, coldness in his voice. "I'll be back in an hour to get you Subject 1. If you are not ready, I'll just have to give you a consequence," He threatened._

_"I'll be ready..." Sans said in a small voice, and with that, the doctor was gone._

_~~~_

* * *

Frisk's POV

The flower's scent wafted into Frisk's bedroom, and they smiled. Tories must have replaced the flowers in the vase outside of their bedroom. But not all was at ease in the house. Frisk's mind had been burdened by Sans all week. They knew he was pissed at them, and honestly, he has every right to, but Frisk just wanted to help. They were just a kid. They don't know the impact of these situations all that much just yet. 

Frisk's soul hurt. What could they do? They had told Toriel about Sans. What else could they really do to be completely honest. Toriel's like their Mother. She deserved to know. She too, had been morose all week, although at least she had been trying to be cheerful and upbeat, but frisk just couldn't join in. 

They knew it was their fault.

Maybe not entirely, because they knew Sans must have a past and backstory, just as everyone does, but definitely at least partially. The guilt was overbearing. Frisk, a young 9 year old, had been given such tremendous power. They abused it. And now Sans was stuck feeling this way, yet they couldn't do anything. They already messed it up way too badly. Way beyond repair.

"Frisk Dear?" Tories called from the living room. "I need to speak to you, my child."

"Coming Mom!" Frisk shouted, and heaved themselves off the twin sized bed, silently observing the walls and floors for a moment, before exiting the room. They were right. The buttercup flowers were replaced and fresh in the vase, and smelled delightful. Off to Toriel, no more delays. 

"Yes Mom?" Frisk asked, stepping into the living room.

"Come sit."

They obeyed, and Toriel sighed.

"My child, We haven't truly discussed what happened to Sans," Frisk began to squirm. "I know, it hurts to discuss. I really do get it. But please, my child, do know that you are not responsible for this. You shouldn't have to feel any guilt because of this situation my dear."

Frisk nodded, head down. "Im sorry." They whispered.

"I know Frisk," Toriel's voice cracked, as she pulled them close, tears leaking from both of their eyes. "I know.

* * *

 

Papyrus' POV

The next day, Papyrus awoke to a quiet house. A small breeze drifted in through the open window beside his bed, causing his posters to flutter and shift. Time to get up and check on Sans. He heaved himself up, breathing in and out deeply. Hopefully Sans was alright. The younger skeleton walked towards his door, and exited, smelling pancakes. "Sans?" He called. "You making breakfast?"

"Yup!" He called back.

Relief flowed through Papyrus' bones, and he sluggishly strolled down the stair case, only to spot a pile of pancakes and cinnamon buns awaiting on the coffee table. "Oh Sans you really didn't need to do all this."

Sans exited the kitchen and smiled. "But bro," He smirked. "I wanted to."

A grin grew on Papyrus' face. Sans had that affect on him. He was his brother.The most important monster in his entire life, the one he would do anything for. He just wished that he could tell what Sans was thinking. He could be having any thoughts runt though his head right now, and Papyrus could never know. "Hey uh Paps? You okay there?" Sans asked, a goofy smile on his face. "You were just staring off at the wall. I never noticed anything special about it, but if there is, let me know," He joked.

"I was just thinking and you know that!!"

"Sure you were."

Sans fumbled with his fork. "You know," he started. "Last night, I had a panic attack." He confessed.

"Why didn't you come get me??" Papyrus asked, beginning to get slightly frantic. 

"I almost gave in and relapsed," He was... smiling? "But I didn't. So that means I'm making progress. Not that much, at all, but at least I didn't give in last night." Sans has a sad look in his eyes. "I just want you to be happy, you know that, right bro?" Papyrus nodded. "I'm doing everything I can. If I do something wrong, please tell me," Another nod.

"I love you Papyrus."

"I love you too Sans."


	4. Ideas

_Darkness swirled around the small child, it's utter emptiness causing them to shiver with fright. They desperately attempted to cling to something, anything, but to no avail. Their arms flailed in the black space, and they whimpered in fear. Off in the distance, they spotted a low, yellowish light, and relief flooded through them at the sight. Taking cautious and meticulous steps toward the light, it grew brighter with every stride they took, and their whimpering stopped. With one last movement, they reached the light. Their vision cleared and the child noticed that they stood in a seemingly endless hall, and dusk light shone from the window. The dim lighting came from beyond the barrier._

_They whipped around, chin length hair crashing against their face as they noticed the darkness that they had arrived from had disappeared, and the only thing behind them was a box, a save point, and a shadowed archway. Ignoring the space behind them, the young child turned back, only to see an ominous figure standing in front of them, several feet away. The shadow it cast nearly reached the child, and they gulped._

_They took more gentle steps, until reaching the creature. It was facing the other way, and seemed completely oblivious to the 9 year old child behind them. Reaching out a small, pale hand, they tapped the figures shoulder. Suddenly, It turned around, revealing a small, short, skeleton. His eye flashed blue and yellow, a small flame erupting from it. His grin was menacing, and he pointed bones from every direction at the child’s newly summoned red soul. They shrieked and fell to the yellow tiled floor, shielding their eyesight. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. It wasn’t. They couldn’t remember doing anything this time! Had they lost all control?_

Darting awake, Frisk’s breathing came rapid and fast, heaving in and out, their chest rising and falling quickly. They sat up in their bed, that stood in their bedroom at Toriel’s home. _I’m safe!_ They thought, their sudden panic slowly fading away. _It was just a dream!_

Jumping out of their bed, Frisk changed into their blue and pinkish purples striped shirt. Toriel washed it everyday, because they refused to wear anything else besides pajamas for bed. Somehow the shirt was like a symbol, along with the rest of their outfit that they wore on a day to day basis. They always wore it, in every single timeline, no matter what they do, no matter who they meet or who they kill. It’s always the same outfit, and it has so many memories clinging to it, and each morning, as they change into the sweater, all the memories come flooding back, all the good, and the bad. It’s a mutual feeling, wearing the clothing, but it’s familiar, and Toriel doesn’t mind, so they continue to do it.

Glancing at the wall, they spotted the calendar they had carefully picked out during a shopping trip with Undyne a while ago. Each day they don’t reset, they mark with a save point doodle. Toriel never bothered to ask what the symbol was, but Frisk suspected that the goat mom had her own curiosities about the child. So far, its been 1 month and 12 days. It’s the longest they’ve gone in a very very long time, and they felt slightly proud of it. But they knew it wouldn’t last. No matter how many times they promised themselves and Sans, they would always reset. It was bound to happen soon, and all of Sans’ progress would be erased. It would be all their fault.

But... They _can't._ Not this time. They have to let Sans get the help he needs.

With a shake of their head, Frisk tip toed across the room and exited, the door creaking and floorboards squeaking. They peered their eyes around the corner and looked for Toriel, but didn’t spot her. She must be in her bedroom still, but doubtful because she was always up and cooking for them by 7. Or she was dashing through the rest of the ruins, checking for any danger and any issues. Or maybe she was out shopping deeper underground, into the city. 

Wait, she's most likely at the door, talking with Sans. Frisk sighed, wishing so desperately that her skeleton friend would not continuously shut them out and ignore them. They wanted to help, they wanted to do the right thing.

But at the same time, they didn’t.

They wanted to toy with his emotions. They wanted to test their capabilities. They wanted to discover what new routes they could take in their life, in this timeline. It was so different, so unusual, so strange. They just wanted to learn more, learn every little secret buried in the depths of this world. But they couldn’t do that.

Wandering into the hallways, Frisk crept down the winding stairs and continued on until they reached the corner to where they could curl up and hide, listening to Sans and Toriel’s conversations. They needed to know what was going on with Sans, and if he wouldn’t tell them himself, they would have to spy to figure it out, even though it's wrong. They had no choice. 

Toriel’s voice sounded first, soothing and calm as always. “Shouldn’t you tell Papyrus about all this?” She sounded unsure and nervous, as though she genuinely had no idea what to do. This only intrigued Frisk even more, drawing them deeper into the torrent of eavesdropping.

“Can’t,” Sans’ tone was blank, as if he had given up. Again. “It would break his poor little heart, and Ashore knows how many times I’ve already done that,” He sounded so defeated, but then he brightened up slightly, it sounded a bit forced, but Frisk could tell he was making an effort. “It’ll be fine, I promise ya. I don’t break my promises, the few times that I do make promises,” He chuckled.

Frisk laughed at that along with him. Toriel whipped around, attempting to spot the source of the noise, and the child drew in a sharp breath, pushing themself up against the purple brick wall, pressing as close as they could. They heard Toriel’s hard thumping of her paw feet against the cold floor, echoing and bouncing off the walls. Their heart raced as they desperately glanced around for a place to hide, but with no luck, they turned their head back to face their inevitable fate. The goat mom was going to be so disappointed and angry with them.

“Frisk,” Toriel growled, eyes glimmering with frustration. “Have you not learned how rude it is to eavesdrop yet?” She whisked up the child into her fuzzy hands and shouted a farewell to Sans, her tone apologetic and sorry to her skeleton friend. She turned back to the small kid and sighed as she began to make her way back through the winding corridors of the basement, a few monsters scuttling around to avoid Toriel, and stepped onto the stairway, briskly walking up it, and turning towards the hallway that led to the living room and dining area, she led them in and sat down in her cozy reading chair, but it was not a reading chair right now. Right now, it was Frisk’s scolding place.

The small 9 year old backed up and stood in front of the orangey yellow chair, had bowed to stare at there boot covered feet. Their short brown hair fell of their face, the bangs covering their slim eyes, instead of framing their face as it had usually done. Frisk felt ashamed, felt guilty. They knew they deserved to feel this way, but it still sucked, and they didn’t like it. Now Sans would never forgive them. They knew that more than anything.

“Look at me,” Toriel ordered. They obeyed, and tears shown in their amber eyes, glimmering and shining, but not with a happy look, more so a sorrowful look. Toriel returned a small look a pity, but mostly had a disappointed look upon her face. A couple tears began to spill out of the child’s eyes as they began to apologize frantically. They did not want Toriel looking at them like that.

“I am so sorry, I should not have done that,” They whispered, gaze drifting down again. “I am so horrible.” 

“No, my child,” Toriel murmured, pulling Frisk close into a tight hug, and more tears dripped down their pale skin. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have done that. But it has already happened, and we can only change the future, not the past, correct? You cannot call yourself such a name because you made a mistake. Everyone does at some point,” She pointed out.

Frisk nodded, snuggling deeper into her shoulder. They felt so guilty, so horrid, so terrible. Asgore knows how Sans must feel right now, knowing the child eaves dropped on him, once again. But Toriel was wrong. Oh she was so wrong. _I_ _can_ _go back._ They thought to theirself. _I_ _can_ _change the past. But I won’t._

“But,” Toriel continued, easing her strong and firm, yet comforting grip on Frisk slightly, and look into their glimmering amber eyes. “You need to apologize to Sans, not just me. I recommend you head out to Snowdin today, and perhaps stay with Undyne for the night, or at the Inn, because the trip is much too far for you to do twice in one day. I cannot have you getting sick,” her face tightened in a slight fear, and Frisk understood why. Their goat Mother had already lost a human child due to an illness, despite her not knowing the true reason behind the sickness that plagued the first child, it still haunted her, day and night, and she had concerns for the 9 year old whenever they left, just as any other Mother would, most likely even more so. “I’ll pack you a quick bag, a pair of pajamas, and you’ll have to wear your dirty outfit home tomorrow until I get to washing it tomorrow. I send a bit of food, and all the monsters know by now not to attack you, and even if a few do, you can defend yourself with kind words and actions,” she smiled, and Frisk crawled off her lap gently, rocking on their feet as they wiped the tears from their pale face. 

“I’ll go prepare that now. Be a good child while I do that, alright?” Frisk nodded, and Toriel rushed off to the child’s bedroom. Frisk flopped down in front of the fireplace, head smashed into their hands, cheeks rising to give them a pouty look. They restlessly kicked their feet behind them as they reached out their left hand, right one still supporting their face, and patted the slightly above room temperature fire. Toriel always kept it at a safe temperature, just as Frisk enjoyed. They loved the feeling of dipping their hand in, or their feet. It sent a warm trickle of energy down their spine.

Turning towards the packed bookshelf, Frisk rustled through the heaps of dusty and non-dusty books, looking for one they hadn’t read. Suddenly, they noticed a small, leatherbound book hidden in the back behind the rest of the books. Curiosity once again swept through them, and they outstretched their arm to grasp the journal. They flipped to the first page, and scanned over it.

 

* * *

_“Day 8, 201X,_  

_Toriel gave this to me. At first, I didn’t want it. I tossed it across the room, claiming in shouts that she simply was attempting to bribe me into doing something. That was how it was for me on the surface, whenever I was given something, it was just someone wanting me to do their stupid dirty work. It wasn’t fair. But Toriel insisted it was just because she wanted me to have something of my own, so I finally took it after a lot of reprimanding from Asriel._

_It’s strange, how I got here. I didn’t set out to do anything, despite what Toriel and Asgore may think. I might not have had the best life, okay, my life sucked, but on the surface I never wanted to actually die. Just, one night, I was looking for the cow my Mother had ordered me to milk. It was night, and we were fresh out of milk. The cow had escaped through a rather large hole in the fence, and I was determined to find it without my Mother getting angry at me. As I wandered around, I only got lost deeper and deeper in the forest, with only my small worn dagger that I carried everywhere to protect myself. My head was foggy and empty, and I couldn’t think straight. As I walked on, my feet stumbled and tripped from exhaustion. Finally I reached the foot of the mountain, and for some reason, began mindlessly climbing it. I reached an area where a cave drew me inward, and I sat down to think. I don’t know how long I stayed there, maybe an hour or two, but it was really late when I stood up, and the next thing I knew, I had tumbled down the hole, and into the realm of monsters._

_When Asriel first found me, my leg was broken. I had heard it shatter, and that was when I realized, this wasn’t some sick, twisted dream. This was reality. My head spun, and I felt dizzy. But Asriel offered me his hand, or I guess I mean “paw” since he’s a goat, (still kinda weird for me to think about, because my Uncle had raised goats and none were like this. I guess goat monsters are much different) and I shrunk away from him. But after a few moments of reassurance, he helped me up, and led me to Toriel. I was reluctant, but she healed me, and led me to her home. Asgore welcomed me, as did everyone. I was given a bed, and Asriel treated me as his own sibling from the very moment I stepped into that house._  

_Truth be told, I always wanted a sibling, but my Father left when I was an infant. My Mother claimed he went to war, but I hardly believe that. I think he simply wanted nothing to do with me. I am sure that if my Mother could, she would have done the same, but she couldn’t abandon me without getting frowned upon by the village, so she kept me to do her chores and housework._

  _But now I’m here, so I guess none of that matters anymore. Anyways, Asriel keeps bothering me to play with him, so I’m gonna go. Bye._

_~Chara_

 

_Day 15, 201X,_

_Today, Asgore invited me to plant flowers with him in his garden. I kinda froze, and Asriel chimed in, saying that he would do it with me, and then I nodded and followed them. We planted lots of different kinds of flowers, but the only ones I remember seeing before, on the surface, are the Golden Flowers. They were always my favorite. I know they are actually called Buttercup flowers, but I like Golden Flowers much more. It sounds a lot better in my opinion._

_Asriel was asking me about the Surface as we planted them, and I could tell that Asgore was listening intently to the conversation. I told Asriel some, so that I wasn’t rude, but honestly, it’s better if he doesn’t know._

_Truth be told, whatever the monsters think about the surface world, about how marvelous and fantastic it is, it's not. Far from it, actually. Down here, so far I haven't seen a single monster go hungry. I did every single night. I've noticed how everyone here has a home, maybe not a brilliant mansion, but a place for shelter and warmth. No one seems sad or morose, the only times I've seen that is when they discuss the barrier, and the surface. I think the surface is more trouble than it's worth. Up there, war between the humans raged on, our nations divided. I was hidden away, for the villagers would shun me and beat me if they saw my strangely coloured eyes. The humans claimed amber eyes were the eyes of the devil, and with my aburn brown hair, they would only grow angrier. Besides, my Mother kept me busy with mindless tasks that required lots of strength that I lacked._

_I guess it's safe to say, I don't really like the surface._

_Toriel says it’s dinnertime, so uh, bye. Sorry, I suck at ending these._

_~Chara_

 

* * *

 

Frisk knew of Chara, the first fallen child. They began to wonder if Toriel had ever seen this journal, it seemed dusty, and unused, so probably not. They wanted to read more, seeing at least several more pages filled with the scribbly scrawls of the other child, but they had to re-hide it before Toriel returned. Frisk peeled up one of the floorboards that stuck up slightly in the corner, and it slid in perfectly. Tomorrow, they knew what they were going to do.

Toriel hurried back into the living room just as Frisk had finished and regained their position in front of the fireplace, head still swirling with thoughts about the journal, but they pushed them away. Now was not the time. They had to apologize to Sans right now.

“Here, my child. I packed this small bag for you. I tossed in a bit of gold for the Inn, and a bit extra for fresh food in Snowdin. Please be safe,” She placed her hand on their short brown hair, and ruffled it slightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, and call me before bed. 

Frisk nodded, and headed down the Staircase.

* * *

 

Sans POV

 

Sans angrily slammed the front door, and flopped down on the green couch, the cushions jingling beneath him. His breathing (although he was a skeleton, he still breathed, although he technically could go without) was uneven from rage. That stupid kid! Listening to everything he said. Of course they were, all they wanted was to learn more about this stupid world, and figure out the best way to break it beyond repair. It filled him with rage and anger that flamed through his body and filled his soul, and threatened to take over. That had been a tipping point for him, but he slowly began to try and clear his mind, steadying his breathing, and calming down.

His anger was defendable; he had every right to be upset. But he can’t do anything about it, as always, so he just let it go, as always. It frustrated him beyond belief, but he had tried everything and nothing worked. He couldn’t stop it.

For no reason in particular, a couple tears sprang into his sockets, but he quickly wiped them away furiously. He couldn’t let Papyrus see him said, and mess this up anymore than he already had. Sans just gritted his teeth and dealt with things, and that’s exactly what he was gonna do now. “Paps,” Sans shouted up the stairs to his brother’s room, where Papyrus had been practicing battle scenarios with his action figures. “Wanna watch some TV with me? I think your favorite is on, the daily Mettaton dance off.”

“Coming!!” Papyrus called with glee down the stairs, and Sans smiled. His brother always made him feel better. A couple stomps and clomps down the stairs later, and Papyrus was sitting upright on the couch, holding the remote next to him. “Who is he dancing against today?”

“I think he’s going against Mad Dummy. I hear he does a pretty good Armless Sca dance,” Sans replied, watching the TV turn channels until Papyrus landed on the one the two had been looking for. There Mettaton was, in all his robot glory, dancing as fabulously as anyone in the underground could for all to see.

Sans and Papyrus had only been watching for about 5 minutes when a knock sounded at the door. Sans already had guessed who it was, and told Papyrus. “It’s the kid, but leave ‘em to me this time, kay?” Papyrus nodded, a look of confusion pasted on his face. Sans ignored it and wandered to the oak wood door, grasping the handle and swinging it open, just to see Frisk anxiously stomping their feet on the festive doormat on the skeleton’s front porch. They looked up, and made eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry,” They whispered, and ran off towards the Inn. _Not what I was expecting._ Sans chuckled to himself a bit, a little confused, but shrugging it off. _Whatever._

Sans walked back into the Living Room, expecting to see the TV on with Mettaton dancing once again, but Papyrus was simply sitting on the couch, facing Sans with an expression Sans had seen before, but for some reason, he couldn’t remember when. Sans nervously sat down next to him, and asked, “Uh, what’s with the look? Something wrong?”

“Well Sans,” Papyrus began. “I was researching with Alphys a few days ago. She told me about something, something interesting,” The younger Skeleton paused, waiting for Sans to nod. He did, allowing his brother to continue. “She and I both thought it may be best for you to see someone, a professional, about your, er, depression,” Sans’ face scrunching up in surprise, he hurried on. “A therapist, I mean. There’s a place down here in Snowdin at the Doctor's’ office, you’ve been to the Doctors’. They have a whole ward for it, and everything,” Realizing he was speaking really fast and rambling, Papyrus stopped for Sans to respond.

Sans closed his sockets. “I really don’t want to, but give me a few days to think about it,” The least he could do was think about. _For Papyrus._ He told himself. With a heave, he pushed himself up, and shot one last glance at Papyrus, whom was staring at his legs. Sans turned back around, and stumbled to his room, shutting the door behind him. He had to think.

He had known of things like this for a long time, even as a small child Grillby had suggested he go to therapy, for reasons obvious, but Sans simply refused, and Grillby had known he couldn't force the small skeleton to do anything without him absolutely freaking out. The older brother knew that he should, knew it would probably help, and knew it would satisfy Papyrus, one of the only few people he cared about in this greusome, horrid, world, but yet he felt... nervous. Afraid, one might say. He had a growing pit in his non-existent stomach, an aching in his mind, and a pang in his soul that discouraged him, sending fear throughout his body. A feeling that prevented him from immediately agreeing, simply to appease his brother, unlike how he usually does. The feeling made all of his hope that he may get better vanish. Sans wanted to stop feeling this way, wanted to make his brother happy, wanted to enjoy life again, but he felt as if he wasn't worth it, and no one could help him anymore. He was a lost cause now.

But even still, with all these feelings of fear, anxiousness, nervousness, sadness, and apprehensiveness, a small glimmer of hope remained. A shard of goodness, buried deep inside the heap of sorrow and other feelings of upsetness. It let him hold on to the idea of getting better, and most importantly, helping his brother to not have to feel as if he must worry about Sans constantly. That would mean more than anything. Sans was tired of being selfish, tired of being angry, tired of being sad. He was so tired of it all. And if this therapy thing, could just possibly, maybe, help, then it would all be worth it.

But what if it didn't?

Sans mind swung back and forth from agreeing to go to saying "absolutely not". He couldn't decide, he couldn't make up his mind. It was too much, too much thinking. Just as he was about to give up on the whole idea and just go to bed, his door creaked open, a trickle of light shining into the darkness, upon Sans' once again messy bedroom. A small voice called out to him, near whisper.

"Sans?" His brother asked, sadness tinging his voice. Only then did Sans notice the fact that he had been curled up on the ground, objects skewn around him in all directions. He quickly sat up, wiped his stinging eyes that burned with pain and shame that he had shown his brother how pitiful he really was, and turned to Papyrus, smiling a weak smile, ends quivering. Papyrus tip-toed in and sat down next to his older skeleton brother on the floor, and wrapped his arms around Sans, not making a sound.

At this, Sans took a deep breath, inhale, exhale, and relaxed into the comforting grasp of his beloved brother. "I just want to make you happy," He croaked, voice suddenly feeling extremely hoarse, like he could drink a thousand gallons of water. 

"I know you do," Papyrus pulled Sans even closer. "Don't you understand? I feel the same about you. It's not simply you that wants me to feel joy, I want you to feel cheerful again too. It pains me to see you this way, knowing for so long, you suffered alone and silently, without telling me. Knowing that you felt as if you couldn't tell me, it hurts. But I know you had your reasons, and honestly, if I was in your position, I would have done the same," Sans looked down. "It's  _because_ I want you to be happy,  _because_ I want to help you, that I suggested you to go to therapy. I really believe it will do you some good, and I'll be here for you, along with everyone else, every step of the way."

"Heh," Sans whispered. "You always know exactly what to say," They sat there, on the floor, surrounded by trash and random items, content with the silence that loomed around them both, until Sans spoke up once more. "I'll go, for you, I'll go."

 

* * *

 Frisk POV

 

Dashing, huffing and puffing, Frisk ran to the Inn. A few familiar monsters called out to them, but they simply attempted a (failed) wave to them all and burrowed in their small room. They had nothing to do now, except wait until morning to go back to Toriel’s house.

Their minds swirled again, deepening like the waters in waterfall, allowing them to easily slip into daydream as they lay in the fluffy bed spread. The journal about Chara really interested Frisk. The small child wanted to read more, they craved it, just as they had always craved new information and facts. Curiosity overwhelmed them, it was what made Frisk, Frisk. They constantly asked questions about everything, and sometimes, as shown by eavesdropping on Sans and Toriel’s conversation, they also learn in not so good ways. But in their opinion, it doesn’t matter how they find out the new knowledge. It is simply enough to know it. Any punishment is worth it if they had learned something new.

That is why they didn’t regret their genocidal run.

Yes, they felt slightly guilty, as anyone would. But would they undo the fact that it has happened? No. Would they do it again sometime? Maybe, if they could learn something more. The different run gave them more backstory to the Underground, allowing them to understand just a tad bit more, gain some new experiences, and learn new things. Maybe it wasn’t in the best way, but as they said, it doesn’t matter because they learned a lot of new thing from it. 

Frisk knew this way of thinking was most likely bad, but it was how their brain worked. They live to learn more.

  
And they would do _anything_ to learn something new.


	5. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans has an accident

*I know that some people are not familiar with therapy terms, so I will denote each term with a * and you can find the definition at the end of the chapter, before the authors note :)

* * *

Sans POV

 

Now that Sans had agreed to go to *therapy and get treatment, his younger brother had hardly rested, instead choosing to spend his relaxation time scheduling an appointment with a *psychiatrist to begin with. Sans began to resent the idea even more with all the research Papyrus had been doing and such. The taller skeleton had never mentioned it to the older one, but Sans could tell how much he was looking into it by the few books he had accumulated from the library in his bedroom, and the tabs he kept open on his computer. It was obvious that he was trying to help his brother, but Sans felt apprehensive and nervous about the whole situation.

It had been a little over a week since he first gave in to go, and Papyrus had finally decided to go in and see a certain *psychiatrist first. The clinic was in snowdin, but there were other ones out there in the underground. There was one in hotland, and one in the kingdom area, past the core and in that civilisation area. Papyrus had chosen this one because it was closer to their home, but Sans had guessed that it was more than that, yet for some reason, he couldn’t figure out what else it might be. Usually his younger brother was so easy to read. Huh.

The appointment they had scheduled was soon; only 2 days away. A jolt of fear convulsed him, but he steadied himself and attempted to breath and clear his mind. The anxiety of going and seeing a doctor; it was almost too much.

A thought drifted into Sans’ mind; when would the kid visit again? The last time he had seen them was when they were crying on his doorstep, apologizing, then ran away. He almost felt… bad for them at the time. Even now, he feels a bit guilty about not going and talking to them, but something had held him back. Had it been his subconscious telling him they were dangerous? Or was it anger for them, buried deep in his soul. But still, those didn’t seem to be the reason. Both were true to him, but it was just something else. 

He had seen it. The look in their eyes as they had gleamed with tears. They finally seemed, if even possible, truly sorry. But were they? Or was this yet another act they put on, performing in front of everyone, a pretend smile. It hurt when that was the case, but maybe this time it would be different?

Yet again, he was conflicted. Sans did not want to believe them, but a bit of him did. Just a little though. He had experienced pain in it’s finest form way too many time for his liking. The physical hit the ki would do to him at the end of a genocide run didn’t even really hurt. It was the emotional pain of knowing every time, his brother would die, and every time, he was powerless to save him. Just the thought got him emotional, so Sans shoved the memories away.

Maybe he should go find Frisk.

But maybe he shouldn’t. 

Inwardly groaning at his dilemma, Sans decided to go find them. It would be hard to go on his own without Papyrus, because his brother had taken it upon himself to be the shorter skeleton’s personal bodyguard at almost all times when he was not training, but Sans had an idea.

“Hey Papyrus?” He called. Papyrus would be home right now, and probably for the rest of the night. Training with Undyne was over. A loud stomping noise appeared and Sans smiled a little, knowing his brother would do almost anything for him, at anytime.

“What is it?” Papyrus had appeared at the doorway, the light drifting in from the hallway, making him more of a silhouette than anything. 

“Can you go to Hotland for me? At the MTT resort, they have this shake yogurt thing,” Sans began.

“The starfait?” Papyrus asked excitedly, bouncing in anticipation for his “mission”

“Yeah that,” Sans continued. “I love those things, but i’m really tired today. Couldn’t sleep last night. I would really enjoy one if you could ge-”

“Yes of course!!” Sans jolted at his loud tone, even louder than usual, which was difficult, but straightened himself out with a chuckle. “I’ll be back in an hour or two, is that okay? Use your cellphone for anything!!!”

Sans nodded, and Papyrus was gone.

“And there we go,” Sans breathed a sigh of relief.

 

* * *

Frisk POV

 

The child had been a bundle of guilt since their visit to Snowdin a week ago. They had gone home the day after apologizing to Sans, yet they couldn’t shake the feeling of unease from their thoughts. They regretted thinking about Resetting and Loading, and continued to stare at their wall at the calendar, in a desperate attempt to regain their previous sane thinking about the situation, instead of wanting to toy with all the monsters. 

Frisk knew it was wrong, they really did. And believe it or not, they hated killing and Resetting and Loading Save files, yet why did they continue to do it? It was a question that should be able to be answered with ease, yet it wasn’t that simple. They knew the answer. But they didn’t want that to be the answer. It was going to change. It had to change.

Anxieties of what to do were scuttering around in Frisk’s brain, until they got sick of trying to achieve anything on their own. Frisk went to see Toriel.

Creeping out the door, they peered into the hallway. After listening intently, they hear shuffling of paws against wooden flooring near them. Frisk realised that Toriel must be in her room. Tip toes gently tapping the ground, they snuck along and noticed the door was a crack open. Not wishing to be rude, they gave a slight knock. Yet they still were left wondering how else that scenario could have just played out…

No. Not now. Right now they were trying to  _ stop _ resetting and reloading, not learn more ways to do so. Shaking their head, Frisk heard Toriel call from inside the room, welcoming their presence. With the acknowledgment, they entered, their feet lightly tapping the ground as they walked along. 

“My child? Are you alright? You look ill,” Toriel worried and fussed over Frisk from the moment they opened the door all the way and made their entrance. Yet again, there was the near obsessive motherly worry that Toriel possessed, and Frisk, again, knows why. Yet all the same, they shook their head to attempt to tell her that they aren’t sick, and flopped onto the queen sized bed, hair flopping into their face. Yuck. It was in their mouth now.

“I was just thinking, if you had the power to change the past and find different outcomes to scenarios, would you?” Frisk asked, tone nervous. “I read it in a book from the library.” They added quickly.

“Oh well, that’s an interesting thought. Seemingly impossible, but creative! Myself, I don’t know if I would. I quite like the way things are in my little life. But..” she trailed off. “There are a few people I would like to save. But that is all. Otherwise, no.”

“Okay. Thanks mom,” Frisk grinned up at her, feeling more certain than ever that they should stop resetting and reloading.

* * *

Sans POV

 

Sans pulled on signature blue hoodie over a shirt that he had found from the garbage dump, a rare item from the human world. The shirt was of some weird horse like creature with a sparkling horn on the head, with a streak of rainbow colours extruding from behind it. At the bottom, it said “Unicorns are BOSS” so he could only imagine that the creature was called a unicorn. Either way, it was silly, so he took it.

The plan was to walk through snowdin, instead of teleporting because that always drained him, and then knock and wait for “Lady” (whom he now knows of as Toriel) to appear and ask to talk with Frisk or something. About what, you might ask. Well, he doesn’t have the slightest clue yet, but, that’s for later, right?

Slippers were now on Sans feet as he flicked his magic on, dragging them on his feet effortlessly. Now he should be set. Pushing himself up, Sans stumbled his way out the door, still working on waking all the way up.

The walk through the town was awkward, honestly. He hadn’t been out for a few days, or uh, weeks, to the public. Yeah, he's gone for walks but not with so many people out. So it was nerve racking, but he forced himself to keep his cool and act okay. Fake a smile til it's real. Or not, but at least it looks real enough.

Once he had gotten through snowdin, the walk through the iced area was relaxing and peaceful. Lengthy, but still soothing. Soon he reached the sentry station where he kept his snacks/condiments (same thing, right?) and other miscellaneous items. More than once had he been scolded by Papyrus for keeping such a messy station, but he just shrugged and joked it off as usual. 

Next was the forest where.. Well.. you already know. Sans stood there for a moment, breathing in the harsh cold air into his nonexistent lungs. A shiver trailed along his spine, but not from the chill. 

Without a second thought, he began to stride into the thick woodland. And he didn’t stop. Not until he got there.

The tree.

Why? He wasn’t all that sure of the reasoning behind it. It was subconscious thing, as if it took control of his body. In fact, it did. He wasn’t thinking straight. Or thinking at all really. If anything, his thoughts were no longer his own. They were intruding into his mind. Yet he wasn’t feeling suicidal at this moment. No, this was different. This was feeling nothing. What a strange thing, isn’t it? 

The tree.

It was in front of him now. Towering above his short stature, the only leaves that were adorned to the branches were far up, and they were brittle, near to falling off. But despite the wind and such, they stayed on and endured the chill. Seems like a metaphor for something. Isn’t everything just a metaphor? Or is nothing a metaphor? Are we just living a life filled with metaphors and other things yet those are reality? These were the thoughts that crept through his mind. He sat down next to it. His breathing was rapid fire at this point.

The tree. 

Was is always this cold out? He couldn’t tell. His head ached as he looked at the pure white snow that rose in heaps as snow piled upon snow. How long had he been out here? Papyrus would be worried. Papyrus. Why wasn’t he here with him? Where was he? Sans was suddenly confused. Why wasn’t he at home in bed? What is this? Confusion and uncertainty filled him now. The entire situation felt foreign and he was unsure of where he was. Who was he? Papyrus? Who was that? He tried to remember, but alas, failed. The only thing he reconised was, the tree.

The tree.

The tree.

The tree.

* * *

Grillby POV

 

It was one of those slow days of work, not many monsters wanted to come into a bar at 11am on a work day, so Grillby had finished serving the few monsters inside the warm bar, and cleaned dishes until they had finished and left. Deciding it was a good time to take a lunch break, he flipped his sign on the window to “closed” and pulled on a jacket and snow boots, although he didn’t necessarily need them to keep him warm, considering his flame body.

After packing a small meal of burgers and fries for himself in a paper bag, he exited the restauraunt and began to walk to the forest near the ruins, a peaceful place he had discovered it was, and great to eat lunch at. Usually, monsters didn’t really come out this way, so he was just alone to think. Speaking of thinking, Grillby allowed for his mind to wander on the short walk there. 

Sans. The bartender’s soul ached as he thought of his older adopted son. Grillby had known, known for a very very very long time, of the issues Sans endured. In fact, Sans had came clean to him about his past back when he was 14, but he had begged him to keep it a secret from his brother, and Grillby felt guilty about lying to Papyrus, but all the same, knew it was the best for Sans’ mental health and just for him as a general stance. The short skeleton had also protested getting treatment, for the voices, the thoughts, the memories. Grillby had tried, tried so hard. But Sans still shut him out.

Perhaps now he will begin to heal, finally. It would be hard, even more so now than before because he had put it off for so long. But, still, as they say, it is better late than never.

Grillby also began to wonder how his sister was doing in Hotland. He hadn’t called her for a few weeks, and honestly, the last time they talked, they had simply argued and argued, his flame turning red with frustration and Sparkla’s turning a deep shade of blue, straying from it’s natural green colour.

Oh. He was at the forest already. Grillby had been so lost in thought that the time had flown by. Now he began into the trees, careful not to let his flame catch on any foliage, as to not start a forest fire. But something felt bad. Really bad.

What was it? Grillby began to look around, trying to spot any sense of danger. None. But he saw something worse. Something more chilling than the snow falling from the rock above their heads.

There was Sans, lying unconscious, face feverishly blue. He was propped up against a tree, his eyes not closed, but dark and hollow, no lights showing. Grillby’s flame shrunk into an unnatural blue shade, and he dropped his food, dashing towards his son, panting and heaving out breaths in desperation.

“SANS!” He shouted, pulling the skeleton into his lap. Grillby’s hands sparked with fire magic, even warmer than usual, and attempted to heat Sans. The bartender had been right; he was chilled to the bone. Oh, how his soul ached so badly. But he had no time to grieve or worry. He must get him to some place warm, and quick. Or he might not make it. Grillby quickly checked Sans’ floating HP above his head, and gasped at the sight. He had known of Sans’ worryingly low Hope (HP) for a very long time. But now he was only at .4 HP. God, this was not okay.

“I’m gonna get you to be safety,” Grillby muttered, mainly to himself, but a small, faint light flickered in the skeleton’s eyes, and a glimmer of hope burst through the bartender, even though the light quickly faded back into darkness. Sans was still there. He was still alive. And he was going to be okay. He had to believe it, or Sans would be no more than dust. Again.

Taking off his jacket, Grillby wrapped it around Sans’ shivering torso Bracing himself against the now flurries of snow, he ran, leaving his food in a crumpled pile of waste on the disheveled ground. His boots hit the ground, hard and fast, as he ran as fast as he could, vision focused on only getting Sans to the bar. He already had a plan; get him home, settle him in, call the emergency doctors’ line, and while he was waiting for them to arrive, he would call Papyrus and continue to try and heat Sans up, even the slightest bit. At this point, anything helped. As long as it wasn't, well, THIS.

Oh god, why did it take so little time to get here, but it was so hard to return??

Finally, oh lord finally, they arrived. Monsters called out to him in worry. He didn’t respond. Sans was all that mattered right now. Grillby near broke down the door trying to get in the side door. After entering, he snatched a purple bed spread off the bed and tucked Sans under it, just as he had done when the skeletons were children. His left hand glowed with the warming magic, hovering over Sans’ body as his right hand pulled out his cell phone, quickly tapping in the numbers for the emergency line in Snowdin.

Ring. Ring. Ring. It rang 3 times, and then someone picked up.

“Hello! This is Snowdin’s emergency line, what is your issue?” Asked the receiver’s all too cheery voice.

“Yes, hello, my son, he’s not a kid anymore but you kn-agh, nevermind that, I found my son Sans, a full grown skeletal monster, in the forest near the ruins freezing to death. His HP, which originally is only 1, was, and still is, at .4,” The words tumbled out of Grillby’s mouth in a hurry.

“I see. I need you to stay calm, I’m sure he’s going to be okay. Are you doing anything to keep him warm right now? Or heal him?”

Grillby nodded, although he knew the voice in the phone could not see him. “I’m currently using my heating magic to attempt to warm him. It’s not healing him, but it’s keeping his health steady for the time being.”

“That’s very smart of you. And may I ask, are you still in the forest?”

“No, I ran with him back to my bar. My resturaunt is named “Grillby’s” after my name and it is near to the librarby. Sorry for the confusion.”

“It is quite alright! I absolutely understand. We will send a trained professional at healing over to your bar right now. They should arrive within 5 or so minutes. Just keep your heating magic on him to keep his health steady, until the doctor can come to heal him. Would you like me to stay on the line with you while they head over?”

“No no, it’s alright. I must call his brother anyways. Thank you for your help,” Grillby was filled with gratitude, but yet still, worry. 

“Alright. Stay calm and it’ll be okay,” They spoke, and allowed for Grillby to be the first to hang up, as so they do not cut him off if he says anything more, but he did not.

Now to call Papyrus. He hit the 4th number on speedial, the previous ones belonging to Sans, Sparkla, and his friend Bonnie who runned the shop in snowdin next to the Inn. Ring Rin-, Papyrus picked up during the second ring. Punctual, just as he always is.

“Hello?” Papyrus’ loud voice boomed into his nonexistant ear, but Grillby was used to this volume at this point. “Dad how are you doing?”

“I am fine, but, uh, Sans however, is not…” He trailed off.

“Oh no, oh my- I’m coming right no,” Grillby could hear rustling on the other end. “What happened??”

“It’s not- It’s nothing like- He didn’t try to kill himself, I don’t think,” Grillby settled on. “I was walking through the forest by the ruins, and found Sans chilled to the core at .4 HP by a tree, huddled unconcious. But, I already called the emergency line in Snowdin, and they are on their way now, so don’t hurry back. Please be safe.”

“I will. I’ll be there within half an hour,” Papyrus reassured.

“Love you.”

“Love you too Dad.”

Click.

Literally seconds after the phone call ended, a knock appeared on the door next to the bed. Grillby got up, setting the phone on the bed table, and answered it.

A tall, green pig like creature stood in front of him, wearing a lab like coat and holding a kit of supplies. “Come on in, he’s on the bed,” Grillby allowed them to come inside, and stood beside the bed as the doctor pulled out a thermometer, one that you put to a monster's for head rather than their mouth, seeing as Sans was not opening is mouth right now.

“My name is Lyk, sorry for not introducing myself off the bat,” Lyk apolised. “I’m currently checking his temperature, and then I’m going to set up a portable heat warmer, and then I will heal his chill with magic, does that sound good?”

“Yes yes, sounds fine. Will he be okay?”

“I believe so,” They began to work on the heater, and continued to speak. “So, I can see his HP is only 1, that’s dangerously low, for anyone. And as us monsters know, HP stands for Hope, so my question is, if it isn’t intruding too much, as to why it’s this low.”

Grillby couldn’t stand noisy monsters. But still, he was at least semi honest. “He’s struggling with some mental disorder that we aren’t sure of the diagnosis yet, but he’s working on getting treatment,” Grillby concluded, and it was true. He just didn’t want to give all the details about Sans’ condition; everything such as the hallucinations, which Sans claimed weren’t, they were real, and the thoughts, and the lack of hope, and his past, just everything. It hurt so much.

“I see. How long has he been this way?”

This one was a hard question. “I adopted him and his brother when they were young children, and he has always had this same HP. So, I’m not sure,” Grillby finished unsurely.

“Strange,” Lyk responded, now using their healing magic on Sans, and slowly watched the short skeleton monster’s HP rise up to near maximum HP. “Have you tried talking to him? This is the lowest I’ve ever seen a monster’s maximum HP be, and it’s really concerning. The only time I’ve seen this was when monsters are about to fall down. But,” They continued. “He’s obviouslt still alive. Do you know of the condition of his soul?”

“I..No, I do not,” Grillby admitted. 

“Would you mind too much if I checked? It’s rather important, but if you’d rather not, I understand.”

“No, go on. Do what you must,” Truth be told, Grillby had seen his son’s soul. Twice. Once years and years ago, and the other maybe 3 years ago. But not recently. And it wasn’t pretty. Grillby held onto a glimmer of hope tht perhaps it might be better, but that hope faded away when he saw the soul.

It was barely there, more transparent than ever. Hardly any light was emitted from it, and there seemed to be.. Shards?? Missing? From it? That was for sure not normal, for ANY monster, not even one who was falling down.

“Oh dear,” Lyk murmured, eyes widened at the sight. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

“I know,” Grillby whispered. It wasn’t better. It was worse. Oh, it was so much worse. How was Sans even still able to get up and do things?? How was he not dead?? It was a miracle. Or..

Or it had to do with his past.

No. Push that though away, back to the back of his mind where it belonged. 

“Okay, well, I’ll inform the other more certified doctors on his situation, but he should be near healed at this point. Keep the heating pack on him until he wakes up, and don’t give him any food besides warm soup. He’ll need alot of water, and if any issues arise, don’t hesitate to call us right away and tell us the issue,” Lyk told the bartender, who nodded along to the doctor’s words. It was obvious that the pig like monster was shocked by the sight.

“Will do. Thank you so much.”

“No problem. I’ll be on my way now,” Lyk packed up the last of their stuff, and waved a half hearted goodbye, and Grillby responded with a half hearted farewell. Now he was all alone with his unconcious son. He might as well begin making some soup for when he wakes up.

Grilby wandered into his own personal kitchen and pulled out enough materials for lentil soup, and began to toss the ingredients into the pot. It was a simple task, but it took a lot of energy. He was stressed from Sans, and.. Well really just Sans. 

Oh what would he do??

* * *

 

Vocabulary

Psychiatrist: A person in the medical profession in the mental health feild. They specialise on treating the diagnosis of the patient.

 

Therapist: Works on coping skills with the patient, usually appointed by the Phychiatrist. It may take a few tries to find the right one. (Is that foreshadowing i smell..?)

 

Therapy: Treatment for a person who is struggling in the mental illness feild, could be any range of the spectrum.

  
Think that’s it, but if you would like me to add any, let me know!! ^.^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo.. I took a break from writing, but another new chapter should be up by next week, and I have the 7th chapter planned out also. And, the previous total chapter count was 10, but im extending it. This is not an easy solution. 
> 
> Its not an excuse when I say this, but I always do at least 4000 words per chapter, sometimes more. That is a big reason as to why it takes so long. forgive me pls >.<
> 
> Hope you like the idea of Dad Grillby? I love it, so yeah. And it can only get better from here.. Right? *cackles*
> 
> Love ya all *shoots determination at you all*
> 
> ALSO I JUST GOT UNDERTALE MERCH IM SCREAMINGG
> 
> Edit: Over 3000 reads?? Thank you all so much. I am so grateful for you all. Keep that in mind <3


	6. Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk thinks and Monsters speak.

Papyrus’ POV

 

As soon as he had heard the phone call from Dad, Papyrus had been filled to the brim with worry and anxiety. What had his brother done now?? It was all his fault, Papyrus began to blame himself. If he had noticed Sans attitude more.. If he hadn’t left to get him the Starfait.. If.. If.. If.. he kept thinking over and over, running in a hurry. He didn’t even realise he  was now at the boat person’s boat. 

“Hello, yes, please can I get a ride to Snowdin? And quickly?” Papyrus asked franticly, and the boat person’s faceless cloak turned to him, nodding. Papyrus leaped on, but the boat did not waver or rock. They began at high speed towards Snowdin.

The water swirled and swirled around the edges of the boat, ripples of the murky blue water splashing out as they sped along. Some stray, misplaced water splashed him on the skull and his scarf, but Papyrus just shook it off, too intent on getting home, not caring about a little thing like water on his boots. Sans was more important. 

They arrived, the boat slowing its pace to settle into a spot by the snowbank, so Papyrus could safely get off. “Thank you so so much for hurrying. I’ll explain later,” Papyrus told them in a rush, and they responded with a nod, and a swift turn back to face the water. Relieved to be in Snowdin already, he began to run to Grillby’s, ignoring the stares he got from onlooking monsters. No one else matter right now. Just Sans. 

Snow skidded underneath his shining red boot, spraying out of his way as his powerful feet stomped down. Papyrus’ breathing was unsteady and coming in gasps as he ran as quickly as he possibly could. 

There. There was the side door to Grillby’s. A few feet away. Papyrus began to slow down slightly, catching his breath into his nonexistent lungs, eyes flickering as he regained his strength. Then, slowly but surely, he walked the last few steps with semi shaking legs, his red gloved skeletal hand reaching out onto the silver coloured door knob, grasping it in his hand, and turning the knob. 

Papyrus entered.

“Papyrus!” Grillby called from the kitchen, but the tall skeleton’s eyes darted immediately to the bed, where Sans was curled up in a bundle of multi-coloured blankets. Oh, he looked so pitiful and weak. It was upsetting and scary to see him in this form, especially when he always acted so strong.

“Papyrus?” Grillby asked again, this time walking out to see his younger son. “Yeah, I know. He doesn't look all that great right now, but the doctor healed him to almost max HP and he has a heating pack on him currently to help him warm up,” The bartender trailed off. “But.. there is some.. Worrying news.”

“What is it??” Papyrus asked, even more worry flooding over him in waves. 

“It’s.. well, it’s his soul. It is hardly there, very faint. Hardly any light was coming from it, and some.. I don't know how to explain but like, I guess, shards? Where missing from it. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

“What does that mean? Will he be okay?” The younger skeleton questioned, tone tight and afraid.

“I.. I don’t know. The doctor, their name was Lyk, told me that they didn't know much about soul health and standards as to how a healthy one should look, but they were going to discuss it with some of the higher up doctors, and for now, he seems stable enough. He can’t do anything strenuous, as that may cause for him to pass out or something.. worse.. “ Grillby grew quiet, and noticing Papyrus’ growing concern, continued. “When you see Undyne next, tell her that Sans is going to be off Sentry duty for a while. And while Sans is having issues, mental health or physical, I’m going to stay with you two at the house. I know Sans has my old bedroom, but I can sleep on the couch.”

Papyrus tried to shake his worry off, but it wasn’t working. “Yeah, that sounds good. Then I can work and train so we can continue to keep the house.”

“Oh, Papyrus, don’t worry about that. I’ve told you before, I have enough gold stored away. I never use it, because i don’t need much in my small apartment. The only times I’ve ever bought other things is for you two silly skelebros. I’ll take care of the money, you continue to train,” Grillby encouraged gently, noticing Papyrus’ eyes watering a bit. “I’ll watch him during the day. Just like old times, right?”

 

“Y-yeah. Just like when we were younger,” Papyrus sniffled, and Grillby opened his arms, so the tall skeleton burrowed himself in the hug, willing over and over that Sans would be okay, would get better, would feel happy. It just had to happen.

When his tears had run dry, Grillby rubbed the back of Papyrus’ skull, and then moved away as they both heard shuffling from the bed. Then a groan. He must be awake.

Papyrus turned to his brother, whom of which was rubbing his eyes, dim lights glimmering in his eye sockets as he glanced around the room, looking confused. “Uh what happened? Why am I here?” Sans asked, voice groggy and bored sounding.

“I think you should be telling US that!!” Papyrus exclaimed a little louder than he anticipated. At the sound, Sans had shivered back into the blankets, fear glazed across his face. “Oh, I’m sorry for the loud noise, but seriously, what happened?? We were worried sick!”

“I don’t freaking know!” Sans shouted back, frustration in his voice.

“What do you mean, ‘You don’t know’??”

“I mean I LITERALLY DON’T KNOW!!”

“Boys jeez calm down,” Grillby interrupted. “We can ask him these questions later, Okay Papyrus? Right now he is still waking up.”

“No!” Papyrus growled, fighting to stay calm. Usually he wasn’t this angry over things, but he was angry at himself for not saving Sans from this. He was taking it out on others. His family, of all monsters. “I have to know why Sans! I have to know what happened!"

“I don’t have a clue!!” Sans said impatiently.

“You’re lying to me again! You promised you wouldn’t!”

“I'm not!! Just leave me alone!"

“Why should I??? I’m your brother and I’m su-”

“Just go,” Sans tone was cold and scared now. He was buried in the blankets.

Grillby stared from one skeleton to another, a little bit of shock over taking him. In all his years of raising these two, they hardly ever argued. Occasionally, yes. But it had been a very, and he means very, long time since the last fight between the two. “Papyrus, why don’t you head to Undyne’s?” He asked, and lowered his voice to barely noticeable. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure. I’ll calm him down, and let him rest here while I go get some stuff for meals at your house, and pack a bag and head over with him, okay? I’ll call you if anything happens,” Grillby promised.

“Okay…” Papyrus murmured, still staring at Sans’ lump, eye sockets water.  “Love you Dad. And you Sans.”

A mumble sounded from the pile of blankets where Sans resided, and the two other monsters shared a knowing look, until Papyrus finally turned and walked out the door.

 

* * *

Sans POV

 

Sans was angry at himself for snapping and shouting at his brother, angry at himself for not remembering, angry at himself for not being good enough. Why couldn’t he just.. Stop being this way?? It wasn’t fair! And it was all his fault. They even told him so.

Oh. You don’t know about them? He means the voices. He’s heard them since he, well, he can’t remember when they started. Sans pulled his arms closer around his rib cage as Assistant spoke in his all too familiar soothing yet mysteriously evil voice.  **_You know, emotional damage to someone like him can lead him to think you truly hate him. Perhaps that isn’t far from the truth..?_ ** He hissed, and Sans shut his eye sockets tightly, trying to escape, but he couldn’t. Not until Grillby said something.

“Sans?”

“What..?” The short skeletal monster grumbled back. But he wasn’t actually mad. He was thankful. The voice disappeared momentarily as Grillby spoke softly.

“It’s okay if you don’t remember.”

“..Okay.”

“May I ask why you were out in the first place though?” The bartender ventured.

“I was going to see the kid. I don’t remember what else happened,” Sans sounded apologetic. “I wish I did. What.. where did you find me?”

“In the middle of the forest near the Ruins. You were frozen, almost dead.”

“Oh,” Sans said. “But, well, you do trust me when I say, uh, I wasn’t actually trying, to, you know, kill myself. It just.. Happened? Oh god that sounds really bad when I put it that way, but I don-”

“Sans it's okay. I’m not angry.” Grillby lifted up the light skeleton and set him down beside him. “Just so you know, I’m moving back in with you guys for a while. I’ll be staying on the sofa. That way, I can be there if you ever need me, and I’m sure the people of Snowdin can deal with going down the hills to another restaurant if they wanted to. Oh, and, you’re off sentry duty for now,” He noticed the bewildered look on Sans skeleton face. “I know, It’s a lot to take in, but it’ll be all fine, I’m sure.” 

“B-but.. I’m a grown skeleton. I should be able to take care of myself,” Sans protested, insistent on not being treated as a child. “You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. I’m just going to help out for a while. It’ll go by quickly,” The orange fire element reassured his older skeletal son. “Now, why don’t I get you some soup? I have it all ready for you, and it’ll heal the last of your lost HP. Then, while you’re eating, if you’ll be alright, I’m going out to get some groceries.”

Sans was still overwhelmed by this thought of his Father figure moving back in with him. In a way, it was a relief. The short skeleton missed the days where the three of them would do nothing in particular, just enjoying life and each other's company. Yes, there were bad times. A Lot of them. But he tried not to remember those, and instead chose to remember the good memories. But, still, he felt guilty that Grillby seemed to feel as if he had to come and stay with him, and that he had to temporarily quit his jobs. But then again, the weight of being forced to wake up every single morning to still go to work was now off of his shoulders, and he couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved. 

“If you’re staying at the house, then I’ll let you have my room for now. It’s not much, but you can bring this big old bed from here over there, or get a new one or something I don’t really care. I’ll move my mattress to Pap’s room or his closet I dunno. I don’t need much space,” Sans tried to make a joke on his short stature, and Grillby allowed himself a small laugh. “And Pap has been keeping my room super duper clean lately, so no need to worry ‘bout that.”

“Sans, you know I don’t mind the couch.. But okay. I’ll bring my bed over with the help of Bonnie, and get set up there. Will you be okay staying here?”

“Course. I'm not a baby bones anymore,” Sans chuckled. 

“Okay, well, you have my number. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be on my way,” Grillby turned, opening the tall door to the snowy wonderland outside.

“And.. uh, one last thing.” Sans called.

“What is it?”

“Pick up some tortellini making supplies. Paps loves that stuff.”

 

* * *

Frisk’s POV

 

They woke up in the middle of the night, something that was uncommon for them usually. But on this particular night, Frisk had one too many nightmares for their comfort, and decided that they didn’t really feel like falling back asleep. Gripping their bedspread, they yanked it off, untucking the corners and wrapping it around their short body, for warmth. But they were not going to go wake up Toriel, not now. Their adoptive mother deserved a break. So they snuck into the living room.

As always, the fire was still lit, as to provide heat to the large yet cozy home. Frisk decided to try and sleep by the fire. Pulling a cushion off the reading chair, they created a small bed next to the small flame. Resting their head on the cushion, they  reached their hand into the fire again, basking in it’s warmth and comfort. 

Their thoughts were drifting as they lay there, staring at the ceiling. No doubt that Toriel would be worried when she first saw them laying in the middle of the living room, but she would calm down when they explained in the morning. They thought of the life they had here, with Toriel, the amazing and as close to perfect as anyone could get Mom. The friends they had, the ease of everyday issues,although they still had the dilemma of Loading and Saving, that was honestly really it. Asgore knew nothing of them, because Papyrus had managed to convince Undyne that Frisk was good during this timeline, and she didn’t jump to conclusions and tell Asgore and what not. And Alphys had always supported them.

This was the life they always had wanted.

Thinking back to their life on the surface, Frisk grimaced. They had lived in a bad town, one that was always fighting. Famine was throughout their country, and water was either scarce, or extremely dirty and tainted. Drugs and theft were all around. They knew that there were other places, the ones in the world that were good. But this little village that was far off in the middle of nowhere, was, of course, where they had lived previously. Other places in the world were highly advanced places of the future. But a few places held onto the old, more traditional way of living. But the traditional way was not the good way. Oh no, it was far from that.

Frisk’s parents had been separated when their Father was sent out to war, and a while after that, their Mother died of dehydration. Remembering that made them wince. Father never came back, so it was only to assume that he had, too, died. Frisk had no siblings, and was alone from the moment their Mother died and on. They had to bury her with their own two hands. A tug of pain pulled at their soul, and they pushed that memory back to where it belonged; to the back of their mind.

After Frisk’s Mother died, they had no hope of surviving. They couldn’t pay for the small shack that their family had called home for years, and any hope of leaving the town for a new, better one was out of the question. Without water or food, they would die within the first night. The only clothing they owned was some random scraps of t-shirts or ripped pants, an oversized sweater that their mother made for them, and one nice pair of cut off brown shorts. They owned a single pair of beat up black combat boots that ran a size too big, and even those cost Frisk’s Father a lot of money. 

So Frisk had decided to follow the legend of Mount Ebott and climb up. They never expected for the legend to be true. Truthfully, they had believed, with all their soul, that they would have died. But they did not, and now they were stuck underground. Well, not really. They could free everyone if they wanted, but the surface.. They had seen how bad it was. The monsters didn’t know anything about it. 

That’s why they stayed down here.

 

* * *

Undyne's POV

_ Sitting in your house on your off day is boring.  _ Undyne thought begrudgingly. She always got Thursdays off, but that was it. Truth be told, she loved “working.” She wanted to throw 72 spears at a worn out training dummy? Sure. She felt like cooking? Sure. She wanted to walk around and tell all the slackers (Saaaans…) to get working? Okay, that one isn't as fun, but you get the point. Most of the time, her job as head of the Royal Guard was enjoyable. But, that being said, she hates to sit still and do nothing.

That’s why when a knock sounded to her front door, she immediately sprung up and into action, ready to do literally anything besides just sit there on her phone. But when she answered it, she was surprised.

In front of Undyne was Papyrus, panting as if he had just been running. The skeleton was never here on Thursdays, since he always spent them with his brother in the past. “Uh, Papyrus? What’s going on? Are you okay?”  She questioned, her worry growing. 

“Sans.. he.. He’s okay now but.. But..”

“Man, get in here dude! Tell me it all inside,” Undyne ushered her tall friend inside her home, quickly shutting the door behind them both. She turned back into the main room to see Papyrus sitting at  the table, catching his breath. She walked over, pace quick as she pulled up  a wooden chair with no effort. “Take your time, tell me all about it.”

“Dad.. I mean Grillby is with Sans. He found Sans in the middle of Snowdin forest almost dead from the cold. But he insists that he didn’t try anything.. And then he told me to leave him alone after I kept asking questions, so Da- Grillby recommended I come here. I apoligise if I am interrupting your relaxation, I just needed to go somewhere,” Papyrus rushed out, taking in another big gulp of air after he finished his monolougue. Undyne took a moment, processing this information.

“Paps,  why don’t you make him, Grillby, and I some spaghetti for later? I’ll even invite Alphys,” Undyne grinned internally at the idea of seeing the cute lizard monster. “I’ll go check up on him. He’s at your house?”

“No, he’s at Grillby’s. Dad should be out, but Sans was awake when I last saw him.” a small bit of excitement shown through in Papyrus’ voice that had just been filled with so much doom and gloom, and Undyne felt proud of him for being so strong, even though she knew he was freaking out.

“Okay, well I will be back in a bit. Don’t burn the house down, and save me some Spaghetti!”

~>~<~

“Ack, why do I always forget to wear a coat when I come into Snowdin??” Undyne muttered to herself, rubbing her arms in attempt to heat them up in any sort of form. There was a fairly strong blizzard happening in the moment, and she could see why Papyrus was so out of breath; it really was a struggle to reach the restaurant hidden away in the main of Snowdin town. The blue fish monster’s combat boots sunk deep into the 2 foot snow. Jeez, when would this blizzard ease up?? But soon enough she was rid of the snowy wonderland as she stood in front of Grilby’s side door, and knocked once, twice, and a third.

“Who’s there?” Sans’ voice grumbled, sounding weary.

“Undyne.”

A mutter of something she could not recognise came from behind the door and she heard shuffling, until the door clicked and Sans stood in the doorway, allowing for her to step inside. But his face was all but welcoming.

“So how did Paps convince you to come all the way here just to talk to me,” He spat, seeming frustrated about something or another.

Taken aback, Undyne replied quickly. “No, I decided to come here on my own free will, dude.”

“Ha, that’s rich.”

“Seriously! I did!”

“Lying won’t help, ya know.”

“Hypocrite,” The word slipped out of Undyne’s mouth before she even truly thought about what she was saying, but she could tell Sans was no longer angry. Something worse. She’d seen him like this before, but she couldn’t remember when… His eye sockets were near to empty of life, and he just sat limply on the bed, slouched over, as if he couldn’t care less.

“You’re right,” Sans’ gleeful tone frightened her, this wasn’t Sans. No, what was going on? This is bad, real bad. “I tell you to stop lying, yet I lie every single day! Isn’t that hilarious??”

“S-sans, you need to take a deep breath please and c-calm down,” Undyne never stuttered but for once, she did. Strange.

“Why should I? I’m telling the truth! For once in my whole life, the words I say aren’t lies, oh it's the bitter truth! It’s so funny, isn’t it? You should be laughing!” Sans laughed in a way Undyne had never seen before, and it gave her chills the way he spoke. 

“Just st-stop Sans. I’m not kidding around.”

Sans looked up at her, his eye sockets were now full of life, brightly lit pupils dancing around. His grin seemed to grow wider and bigger. Undyne was about to say something, but, then he began to mutter to himself. It was terrifying and strange. 

“No, no I can’t do that,” He murmured to himself, staring off behind Undyne. “B-but, this time I can’t obey, I can’t hurt her.”

“Sans, what are you talking about???”

“Yes, Doctor. I will not delay any longer,” Sans voice was monotone.

Undyne sprung into action. She had little to no training in helping people when they had struggles like this, but once when Alphys had called her in the middle of the night, having a panic attack, Undyne used a trick she found online to pull her back to reality. “Hey, what colour is my shirt?” She asked carefully.

“B-black?” 

“And the wall?”

“Brown?” He replied, growing confused.

“And what’s my name?” Undyne continued.

“Undyne?” Suddenly, Sans eye sockets widened. “Oh my god, what did I do?? I’m so sorry I blacked out. I-i’m sorry I just cou-”

“No Sans, it’s cool. I don’t mind,” She pondered what to say next. “But, uh, I think it’s best not to tell Paps what happened here, ya know? He’ll absolutely freak out.”

“Yeah. Obviously.”

“Well, I wanted to check on you. You really scared Papyrus, and by what he told me, you freaked your old man out too.”

“Oh uh, sorry ‘bout that,” Sans looked kinda ashamed, and scratched the back of his neck. “I honestly didn’t mean anything by that, I just, like, fell asleep out there. I was so tired.”

Undyne tried her hardest to believe him, and forced herself to at least fake believe him. “Well, man, you can have payed off duty for as long as you need. If Asgore says anything, which he won’t, I’ll handle it. I just want you to get better, no matter how long it takes.”

“Well, uh, I dunno how long that will be, but.. Thanks? I suck at this feelsy crap, sorry,” Sans rolled his eyes.

“Same dude,” Undyne chuckled, and Sans joined in. It wasn’t even funny. They just both felt it; the tension was too much. Laughter healed all problems, right? Though that may not be really true, sometimes a good laugh with someone you’ve known forever is exactly what you need, and it doesn’t heal you, but it eases the pain, it brings support. Laughter isn’t a cure, but it was a nice thing to do at some points.

Eventually, they slowed down on the laughter, and soon it was quiet. But no longer did that heavy burdening cloud hang above the room, instead, the air felt light and free, almost as fresh as the air by the waters in Waterfall. Snow and ice and wind still raged outside, knocking over rubbish bins and causing the nice neat pathways the monsters had worked so hard to create fill with snow, but no one really minded. This relaxing atmosphere, it was perfect. Undyne wished Alphys was here to feel it with her, but she knew it was not time for that. That was for later, and for now, Sans and Undyne could sit together in the small studio apartment in comfortable silence. There was no real need to say anything. Although there were still obviously things that Undyne wanted to say and ask, and undoubtedly Sans had some questions too, but at the end of the day, as the sun simulant at the top of cavern shut off, the town’s lights began to flicker on. This was great.

As for Sans, he was, well, he was still Sans. He was anxious and scared, but he would never show it. Things in his mind were happening that he wasn’t sure if he could ever tell anyone the true story, but right now, that was okay. He didn’t think that ever he would be this comfortable just sitting around with Undyne, of all people, and not saying to really doing anything either. They had both said enough for now. 

But, all that peacefulness came to a halt when Grillby suddenly barged into the place like he owned it. Wait a minute.... He did.

“Oh, why hello Undyne! It’s nice to see you,” Grillby looked surprised to see the fish monster in his apartment, but he just went with the flow. “Things going well for you? Royal guard leadership treating you well?”

“Yes, it sure is. Things are pretty good, by the way, Papyrus is at my place making spaghetti, so I should go check on him to make sure he didn’t burn the place down,” Undyne told the flame element, who waved a goodbye.

“Well, ready to go to the house?” Grillby turned to Sans, slightly puzzled as to why Undyne had just been in his house, but seemed to shrug it off as if he didn’t really care as to why.

Sans took a deep inhale of air. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOH!! Two chapters out and not even a week apart!! But.. The next one might be a longer one, not too long, but 1000 words or so longer than usual, but it might not. Still deciding. However, I do have it all planned, so >hopefully< it won't take too long.
> 
> Also, sorry that these chapters have been pretty dialouge heavy. I try my best V.V and I'm working on it. Let me know any feedback. 
> 
> Life Lesson of the Day: Don't go to school kids (Not seriously pls don't sue me)
> 
> Have a great day/night and Stay Determined!! <3


	7. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nostalgia can hit you like a truck.

Sans POV

The move for Grillby had been easy, since only recently, as in a few years ago, had he moved out. He discovered that his old bed was in the tool shed next to the house, and Papyrus helped pull it out and assemble it. Sans immediately offered to move rooms, just as he had done before with just Grillby. Papyrus at first was insistent that Sans could stay in his room with him and just move the mattress, but the shorter skeleton decided to stay on the couch, despite his younger brother’s antics.

After the sleeping situation was settled amongst them all, Bonnie, the shopkeeper whom was like a strange aunt to the two skeleton brothers, visited and told them if they ever needed anything, to just call her or come over to her house. Sans reassured her that it was fine, and so did Papyrus and Grillby. Since everyone was exhausted from the day they had had at that point, Bonnie dropped off a casserole and some cinnamon bunnies for the small family of three. Of course, they were eternally grateful and allowed for her (or really forced her to) stay for the meal. After they were all stuffed, they waved Bonnie off, and Grillby read Papyrus his bedtime story. After Papyrus was asleep, Grillby came to talk to Sans before the two went to the world of dreams (or nightmares).

“Hey Sans, are you gonna be okay?” Grillby asked, sitting down on the green couch at the edge nearest to the table, watching as Sans moved to sit up and look at the fire elemental. “I know today was probably extremely stressful for you.”

“Nah it’s cool. I’m good old man,” Sans spoke in a nonchalant tone, but Grillby could tell that he was still confused and stressed. “I am stressed but whatever, right? It’ll pass,” He shrugged.

So the two sat in silence until Sans was too tired to stay awake, and sent Grillby off to bed. However, Sans did not sleep. He sat in worry, but eventually, the world of nightmares do finally come. The nightmares were of the usual, and it surprised him at this point at how they didn’t really affect him in any sort of away now, because of the amount of times he had seen these same scenarios, over and over and over. But, anytime he had to see Papyrus die.. That was different.

Waking up was easy, because it usually consisted of Papyrus shaking him awake, and thus freeing him from his eternal despair (A little too dramatic? Probably not), but today, he was awoken by Grillby gently easing him back to reality, and waiting there with open arms for Sans to find comfort in. And so Sans complied with the act, and was soon calmed down from the hiccupping and sobbing mess he had been from those terrible “dreams”. This was just as they had done when he was younger. Nostalgia hit him like running into a tree (which happened often for him) but he just smiled up at Grillby and said a small “thank you”. 

Papyrus, being his normal and adorable childlike self, had been extremely excited about Grillby moving back in, so he had planned an entire day's worth of activities for the three of them. Needless to say, Sans inwardly groaned, but, eventually, agreed to go.

“Okay okay! Let us all get on our boots and jackets, for we are going to Waterfall for a walk, so Grillby be sure to wear protective gear,” The tall skeleton stopped a moment to give a hard but friendly stare at Grillby who nodded and agreed. “And then after Waterfall, we are going to a Mettaton show that I already bought tickets for, and then we are going to visit the King because he has open visits all day today and we should do that sometimes, right?” Papyrus asked, for once a bit unsure. Sans and Grillby shared an amused look and then turned to Papyrus and told him it sounded good. “Okay, so that’ll take a while, then we will take the boat person back to Snowdin and we can come back home and watch a movie or something! Of course, there are food breaks between all of this,” He paused. “Oh! And we are stopping in that one wishing room you love so much in Waterfall Brother!”

“Woah, you have today really planned out, huh?” Sans should have expected this much from his younger brother, but still, it was a bit much to throw on him last minute. From the look on Grillby’s face, the bartender agreed with the older skeleton’s thoughts.

“Yes, I sure do! So now, you both have 10 minutes to get ready! I am already dressed and set to embark on our journey, so I shall wait here! Do not delay, for I do not want to waste a single moment of today!”

“Sounds good Paps,” Grillby told his younger son, and Sans took the chance to begin up the stairs to Grillby’s bedroom, or really both of their bedroom right now because although they were not both sleeping in there, all of the skeleton’s belongings still resided in the room.

“Hmm..” Sans mumbled to himself. What would he wear? It’s not as if he really cared about his looks; he found things like that pretty petty if he was honest. But he did want to be warm, but not too warm since they were going to the Core for Mettaton’s concert later, so it was kind of a difficult decision for him. However, he did eventually settle on his blue hoodie with a white short sleeved shirt underneath it. He wore shorts, and surprisingly, not his slippers for once. He pulled out an old pair of boots he had only worn, maybe, six times?

Wandering back down the carpeted stairs, Sans arrived to see Grillby and Papyrus already ready, Papyrus bouncing impatiently. “Are you ready yet Brother?”

“Yea, I think so,” Sans chuckled.

And so the trio was off on an adventure. A long one, at that. Walking East, Sans stared off into the distance as they passed one of his work stations at the entrance to Waterfall. Papyrus swung his arms happily as he bounced along, and Sans watched amused. Grillby spat in a form of disgust at the pooling puddles underneath all their feet. Thankfully for the bartender, Papyrus had forced him to bring the umbrella, wear his rain gloves, rain coat, long pants, and boots. Maybe it was overboard, but at least he was safe. 

Soon they had stopped at the wishing room, and the small family separated for the moment, so they could have respectful privacy to make a wish. It went unsaid, but Sans knew what the other two were wishing for. But all the same, he went off and stared at the “sky”, watching the “stars”, and made a wish to the echo flowers.

But..

For now, that wish is a secret.

 

  
  


 

When they got to MTT Resort, Papyrus declared he was “Starving”, and dragged Sans and Grillby to get some fancy Resort food. Of course, the younger brother had called in ahead of time to reserve everything, and soon, the three were seated. There wasn’t any show on at this point, because Mettaton was going to come on in less than 5 minutes. But, before the glamourous robot made his debut on stage, there food was served. Sans however, was not hungry for these things,and gave his up to Papyrus, instead choosing to drink some ketchup. Unhealthy, yes, and he was scolded by Papyrus AND Grillby, but he just shrugged it off.

When the other two were halfway through their meal, and Sans had successfully finished off an entire bottle of ketchup, Mettaton burst out onto stage, glitter and confetti raining over his head. Of course, it wasn't just the three of them watching the show. Many other monsters joined in on the clapping and cheering.

The noise and clamour was familiar to Sans; for he used to perform on that stage himself. As a comedian, obviously. What else could he really do? But, soon it became too much after a year or two of doing it every Friday and Tuesday night, so he quit. SnowDrake's ‘Fatha’ was quick to snatch up the role, and honestly, the chilly monster’s jokes are.. Pretty bad. But people still paid and came to the show, so it kept going.

“Welcome to MTT Resort Darlings!!” Mettaton shouted. He was in his EX form, rather than his old square body. As Alphys continued to make more and more adjustments to the body, Mettaton could stay out longer and do more things. Or at least, that's what the magazines said.

“I know you must have been waiting forever, so let's get ooooon with the show Beauties and Gentle Beauties!”

 

 

 

The show was an hour long, and consisted of Mettaton dancing to his fanmade musical tracks, and posing fabulously on stage. Not Sans’ cup of tea, but Papyrus seemed happy enough with it. He even managed to snatch a picture with his robotic idol before leaving, while Sans and Grillby stood nearby in a corner.

“Okay you two! Off to the King!” Papyrus shouted, excitement in his voice as he raced off to the elevator, Grillby chasing after his younger son, leaving Sans to wander over slowly but surely. The elevator straight to the King’s castle was finally in working order, so they took that route since it was the quickest. The ride up was long, and silent. It wasn’t uncommon for Monsters to visit the King; far from it actually. Dreemurr loved having company over for a cuppa. The only issue was that so many people wanted to visit him, yet he still had meetings a such, so it was rare to get in with him. How Papyrus managed to do it, Sans had no clue.

Exiting the elevator was relief, and they all began to walk along the grey brick stone, passing Monsters that worked here or at the core scurrying about, or a few guards who nodded to them. Grillby was an old friend of the queen, who uh, was Toriel. But because of the old friendship, Grillby had used to visit the kingdom often after the King’s children died. Of course, Sans and Papyrus were not with Grillby yet. That was why the guards reconised the fiery bartender.

Soon the door to King Asgore’s home towered over their heads, even more so for Sans, being short and all. Papyrus took the intiative to knock his special knock, one with a pattern almost as if he was playing a short song on the stone door. Hearing loud footsteps, the three took a step back, Sans admiring the brick walls of the large building. Although it had stood through many years, it did not crumble. Wonder how they managed to do such a thing. Yet, aside from that, Asgore soon opened the door, welcoming them inside.

“Why hello Grillby! And Sans and Papyrus, golly, I haven’t seen you two for a while, have I?” Asgore chuckled, a deep laugh forming in his throat. “Please do come in and make yourself at home. I have tea brewing, and it is almost ready!”

“Oh why thank you!” Grillby spoke in a grateful tone. Papyrus took the lead towards the table, with Grillby not far behind. Sans meandered over at his own pace. Once Sans arrived at the table, he noted that the others, all three of them, were already pouring tea. Pulling out a wooden chair, the older skeleton took a seat, and filled his own tea cup.

“So, is there any reason for this visit? Or just for your enjoyment?” Asgore asked, a little concern in his voice. 

“Oh yes, it's mainly for fun! We wanted to get out today because Dad just moved back in! Oh, and Sans is working on getting better! So that’s a good thing, and we’ve gotten lots of snowfall in Snowdin recently,” Sans inwardly cursed at his brother’s bluntness. Papyrus continued to drone on and on about miscellaneous things, and so the other skeleton began to zone out, letting his mind wander. But that was not always a good thing.

This grey interior to the kingdom reminded him of places he did not wish to remember. Yet, things that scars someone is exactly what they remember the absolute most. It forms their character, causes emotions, has the power to change everything. What a strange thing, memories are.

Although Sans was staring with his eyes wide open to the world, he didn’t see anything or anyone. Where had everyone gone? Why was he here? These questions floated in and out of his head, and every time they left, although he had no answer, he felt a strange tranquility flow through his bones, as if he could just.. Not exist for a moment and stay here. 

However, the calmness did not stay for long. 

  
  


_ Sans was hurdled back into a small cell, curled up frightened in the corner with Papyrus. The younger skeleton was crying and crying and crying. His wails filled the air and sorrow coursed through Sans, his soul aching with pain at his brother’s cries. But he could do nothing to help; except make sure this injection was the last for Papyrus. _

_ Papyrus never had an injection before. He only had this one, but it was too painful. He wasn’t strong enough. Sans had to take the pain for sibling. So Sans soothed his brother, anger forming inside him like a knot, but fear pushed that anger down. If he lashed out, he would never be able to protect the younger monster from  _ **_him_ ** _. Instead,  _ **_he_ ** _ would torture Papyrus in front of him, just out of Sans reach. Just to teach him what his place was.  _

_ “Shhh.. Papyrus, I know it hurts, I-” Sans soul hurt from his younger sibling’s desperate wails. “Look, I know it’s painful. I’ll do better next time; I’ll take the pain for you. And I’m sorry I failed you.” _

  
  


“Hey, Sans? You okay? You zoned out there,” Sans heard the words, but he was unable to form a response, instead slipping back into the memory.

  
  


_ “WD1S, up,”  _ **_He_ ** _ commanded, and immediatley, Sans rose to his feet, not meeting the Doctor’s eyes. If he did, he would be punished. It was against the rules to look in  _ **_his_ ** _ eyes, for the small skeleton was nothing more than an experiment. He had no rights, and didn’t deserve them either. He was an object, not a monster. _

_ “You will follow me and do a series of tests. If you complete them all without failure, I will delay the injection and do a lower dosage this time. But, if you make even one small mistake, I will up the dosage and do it immediatley,”  _ **_He_ ** _ spoke swiftly, devoid of emotion. It’s not as if Sans nessecarily had a choice about this, or any matter, so he complied with a nod. _

_ If anything, this was one of the rare moments where  _ **_he_ ** _ had shown even the slightest glimmer of compassion or kindness. And this was far from caring; no, this wasn’t kindness. Kindness was Papyrus, not  _ **_him._ ** _  Sans was revolted by the Doctor’s actions, but he kept quiet. No use in protesting. _

“Sans!! You need to calm down and breathe!” That voice.. Sans knew that voice.

 

_ Sans shot the Blaster at the small rat that had been scurrying about on the floor. Immediatly, it fell to the ground, into a pile of ash. Sans felt nothing.  _ **_He_ ** _ seemed happy. _

  
  


Sans came to, his shoulders being shaken in a desperate attempt to get him to wake up. Shouts were a blur all around him, and his vision was a bit fuzzy. Colours mixed and blended. But one voice was clear. It was his brother’s. “SANS!! Please, please, oh please stop it. Just wake up, and be okay. We can go home, we ca-” The younger skeleton brother broke out into a sob.

“H-hey Paps, sorry. Didn’t get enough sleep last night,” Sans makes a pathetic attempt to soothe Papyrus. At his words, everyone stopped in their panic and stared at him. “Don’t worry so much, I doze off alot. It’s cool.”

“Sans, oh god we were so worried,” Grillby and Papyrus engulfed him in a hug, as Asgore stood nearby, looking overwhelmed and empathetic. “Why don’t we go home? It’s almost 7pm already, and you’re exhausted.”

“Thank you very much Mr. King, but Sans needs to rest,” Papyrus said apoligeticly. “We will talk about this all another time. Send Grilby a letter when you want to get together. I am sorry.” Grillby nodded along with the tall monster’s words, and Sans just absorbed the words like a sponge. 

But Sans was too tired to stay awake, and falls asleep in Grillby’s warm embrace, the feeling of being caried lulling him to his slumber.

  
  


When he awoke, it was late at night. Glancing around the room, slowly blinking away the sleep that he had just been in. Sans was in the living room, blankets and pillows surrounding him on the horrendously green couch. The lights were off, and he could hear not so graceful snoring from Papyrus’ room, and no noise from Grillby’s. They both must be asleep. What time was it, he wondered. Curiosity pulling him forward, he dragged himself out of the comfy haven of blankets and sluggishly tip toed into the kitchen.

Brr. The linoneum tile flooring of the kitchen was cold against his feet. Rubbing his eye sockets, Sans look at the digital clock on the stove. 2:06. Huh. He racked his brain, in attempts to recall the events that took place to cause him to end up back here. He remembered the wishing room, and MTT Resort, and vaguely the visit with the king, but that was all.

“Sans?” The skeleton jumped as someone groggily called his name. “How are you doing? You worried us.”

It was Grillby, his flame illuminating the dark kitchen. Sans hadn’t heard the bartender get up. “Oh, well, uh sorry old man. You know me, I get sleepy wherever I go,” He shrugged it off. “Don’t worry so much, I’m fine.”

Grillby let out a long sigh. “Oh Sans, I’m always going to worry about you. It’s just how parents are supposed to be.”

“Not like you’re my legit parent..” Sans muttered, keeping his voice low so on he could hear. But the flame monster did pick the words up, and he seemed stricken by them.

“Okay, well maybe not biologically, but we are family bound by a strong care for each other. That’s what makes a family, not sharing genes. Just because you’re a skeleton and I’m a flame doesn’t mean we can’t be family. You know this by now.”

“I guess,” Sans shuffled over to the cupboard, feet still causing him to shiver from the ice cold floor. “I’m gonna make some hot cocoa, want anything?”

“I’ll have some. You might not want to turn on the stove, it would be a waste,” Grillby told the skeleton, whom of which was pulling out a kettle and two mugs. Sans nodded, complying with Grillby’s suggestion. He filled the kettle with warm water, and held it onto Grillby’s flame. The elemental allowed for the water to begin to bubble and heat up. Once it was boiling, Sans lifted it from his Father’s flame based hand and placed it on the stove, and poured the correct amount, okay, maybe a little extra, of MTT brand cocoa mix in the boiling water. Adding a few cubes of ice to cool it, he waited.

“So,” Sans averted his eyes.

“So.”

“..I uh, have that appointment this morning, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you do. Is that okay?”

“Yeah."

“..You sure?”

“No.”

“Sans.”

“Sorry sorry sorry, I know we promised no more lies,” Sans scratched the back of his neck. “I’m just nervous, Ya know? Don’t want to tell no one this stuff. It’s not good,” He shrugged again. “But it’s life.”

“No Sans,” Grillby said, a little forcefully. “This, how you’re feeling and living right now, this isn’t life. This is  not how life should be. I’m sorry that you feel this is how life is, but it’s not. This’ll help. I promise.”

“Ugh. Stop spewing that cliche bull. It’s, like, so overused. It does not mean anything anymore.”

“It’s true though. Look, let’s just have our hot cocoa.”

And so the two finished making the hot cocoa, adding marshmallows and sprinkles, just as they used to when the skeleton’s were younger. They didn’t talk much, except for a few words of small talk here and there. And once they finished, Sans waved Grillby off to bed, and then went to the couch to fall back to sleep himself. It was hard for a while, but sleep, as it always did, found him.   
  
  


 

The next morning was a frantic rush for them all. Everyone, even Papyrus who never slept past, at the most, 8, slept in until 9. Sans’ appointment was at 10, and they needed to head all the way across town and down by the woods. After much argument, Sans got hs way to have only Grillby acompany him to the doctor’s. Papyrus was upset and indignant, and Sans felt bad, but what else could he really do? He was not ready to have his brother know all his darkest secrets, horrid past that the two shared, and his never ending problems. What the taller skeleton knew was enough for now, Sans concluded.

Since Sans was still exhausted and wanted to preserve what little energy he had, Grillby decided to carry him. Sans didn’t sleep, just rested in the cozy embrace. Soon though, they reached the office, with 7 minutes to spare.

“Hello?” Grillby spoke for Sans. “We are here for an appointment with Koffla?”

“Oh yes, her. She spoke about having a new patient briefly. Is this them?” The monster at the check in glanced at Sans, who was looking at the pamphlets on several different mental disorders. When Grillby nodded, they continued. “Here’s the paperwork for him, and you two may go right through that door. Koffla’s room is on the left.”

“Okay thank you. Come on,” He beckoned for the skeleton, who was currently browsing a pamphlet with the title “ADHD” on it. He tucked it back into it’s neat little slot and followed.

“Here,” The fire elemental handed his son a plastic, blue clipboard with a string tied to it. The string had a pen dangling from the end, and he picked it up and set it on top of the pile of paper. Noticing Sans’ disgust, he chuckled, leading him to the hallway where a doctor was kindly holding it open. The skeleton diverted his eyes, looking down. “I know paperwork and doctors aren’t your favourite, so sorry ‘bout that.”

Sans’ only reply was a shrug, and soon the two were already seated in the small room. It was hardly more than an oversized closet with a desk and a couch set up in it. The walls were painted a deep shade of chestnut brown, and the wood in the room was a lighter shade of brown. A bookcase filled with self help books stood up straight near the wall, and several college degrees of some sort addorned the wall. It was a bit overwhelming to take it all in, so Sans attempted to adjust slowly, then looked down at the sheets he was supposed to be filling out. 

Yuck. Paperwork was like, the worst thing ever. Well, almost the worst. It sucked alot, to say the least. Sans couldn’t stand it. Give him a worksheet? Sure. Puzzle? Go right on ahead. But meaningless paperwork for some doctor he doesn’t even know if he can trust at all, filled with his most deepest, darkest secrets and conditions and issues? Hell to the no. Nope, bye, eff this. However, he did not seem to have much of a choice in the matter currently, so he obliged begrudgingly to the tedious task of filling in how he felt and previous medical concerns or whatever other bullshit they could find to fill up more pages.

Most of it went smoothly, however, Sans’ skull began to ache in various areas at some points, such as the “Past family issues?” Question, and it was one that he didn’t really know how to honestly answer. But soon, it was completed, and Sans breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Done,” He turned to Grillby, who was doing something or another on his cellphone. “You ready for this person or whateves?”

“Sure,” The flame elemental replied, just as the door opened, revealing the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Real talk; I spent some time relaxing and playing Night in the Woods (would recommend) however, I did practice more casual conversations, so the next chapter should *hopefully* be reallllly chill >slides on sunglasses<
> 
> Also, I was having alot of nostalgia as I wrote this, hence the title. Idk if it even goes with the chapter honestly.
> 
> Sowwy for no Frisk again.
> 
> ALSO!! Secret wish, huh? Maybe we'll see more of that some other time??
> 
> And I didn't edit this sorry for mistakes pls forgive


	8. Random update

What I love about this is, Undertale is baaaaasically a dead fandom. Sure, there are many fans still, but its a very small fraction in comparison to the original amount. The fact that on the daily basis, I still receive emails alerting me that I've either gotten kudos or comments, is quite interesting to me. I'm so glad that this story continues to make an impact on people, even months after I stopped writing it.

To the point. I'm not in the Undertale fandom anymore. Perhaps I still love the game, always will, and I still doodle about it from time to time, but I'm not actively participating in the fandom any longer, nor do a believe I want to (have you seen it?? scary lmao) however, if people still like this story so much, it draws me to ask the question if I should attempt to add more chapters, maybe finish it. If not, at least add something more. I dunno. Perhaps that is stupid lmao and I shouldn't, but I was just thinking about this and wanted to post about it. 

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day


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